Posts from — October 2007

What I was told when I e-mailed a friend with a question about some reading he suggested:

Yes, you understand the reading instructions clearly. Go slow, absorb, contemplate, be confused, discover enlightenment.

Pretty much applicable in all situations.

Mary (who commented on this post) asked about books or articles about meditation and writing. Here are some suggestions:
In terms of readings, there really is nothing specifically about meditation and writing. That said

The Zen of Creativity by John Daido Loori is a wonderful book about Buddhist practice and creativity. Also,

Dharma Art by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche is wonderful, amazing. And I always turn to Annie Dillard’s

The Writing Life when I need to remember what the writing mind feels like.

October 2007

Source

Associated Press

Friday, August 24, 2007

WASHINGTON — Astronomers have stumbled upon a tremendous hole in the universe. That’s got them scratching their heads about what’s just not there.

The cosmic blank spot has no stray stars, no galaxies, no sucking black holes, not even mysterious dark matter. It is 1 billion light years across of nothing.

That’s an expanse of nearly 6 billion trillion miles of emptiness, a University of Minnesota team announced Thursday.

Astronomers have known for many years that there are patches in the universe where nobody’s home. In fact, one such place is practically a neighbor, a mere 2 million light years away.

But what the Minnesota team discovered, using two different types of astronomical observations, is a void that’s far bigger than scientists ever imagined.

“This is 1,000 times the volume of what we sort of expected to see in terms of a typical void,” said Minnesota astronomy professor Lawrence Rudnick, author of the paper that will be published in Astrophysical Journal. “It’s not clear that we have the right word yet … This is too much of a surprise.”

Rudnick was examining a sky survey from the National Radio Astronomy Observatory, which essentially takes radio pictures of a broad expanse of the universe. But one area of the universe had radio pictures indicating there was up to 45 percent less matter in that region, Rudnick said.

The rest of the matter in the radio pictures can be explained as stars and other cosmic structures between here and the void, which is about 5 to 10 billion light years away.

Rudnick then checked observations of cosmic microwave background radiation and found a cold spot. The only explanation, Rudnick said, is it’s empty of matter.

It could also be a statistical freak of nature, but that’s probably less likely than a giant void, said James Condon, an astronomer at the National Radio Astronomy Observatory. He wasn’t part of Rudnick’s team but is following up on the research.

“It looks like something to be taken seriously,” said Brent Tully, a University of Hawaii astronomer who wasn’t part of this research but studies the void closer to Earth.

Tully said astronomers may eventually find a few cosmic structures in the void, but it would still be nearly empty.

Holes in the universe probably occur when the gravity from areas with bigger mass pull matter from less dense areas, Tully said.

After 13 billion years “they are losing out in the battle to where there are larger concentrations of matter,” he said.

Retired NASA astronomer Steve Maran said of the discovery: “This is incredibly important for something where there is nothing to it.”

The lonely child who travels through
The fearful waste and desolate fields,
And listens to their barren tune,
Greets as an unknown and best friend
The terror in him, and he sings
In darkness all the sweetest songs.
—Chögyam Trungpa
from “The Silent Song of Loneliness” in Mudra: Early Poems and Songs

Relationships are lonely. Even good ones. My relationship with my husband is lonely. My relationship with my guru is lonely. They’re the same kind of lonely. And these are the good relationships.
The other day, we had a fight. (My husband and me, not Rinpoche and me) It was a bad one. Super bad. Bad like leaving-the-house-at-1AM-to-go-sleep-on-the-couch-in-my-office bad. It’s so cliché to say I can’t even remember what it was about, but I sort of can’t. Well maybe I can, but just don’t want to believe that something so unbelievably stupid (someone not telling someone else that they bought a new camera, for example; I mean it only cost $200 and I needed it for work) could cause two normally sane people to absolutely lose their minds and jump all up and down yelling at each other. I mean for goodness sake. I was so depressed after this argument. I drug myself home at 6AM, dreading seeing him, but also hoping I would so he could see that I was still ignoring him. As I let myself in and walked up the stairs to our bedroom, he was exiting the shower, towel around his waist. His hair had little droplets that smelled like drugstore pineapple shampoo.  His bare chest looked kind of dewy and sweet, I couldn’t help but notice. Although I was still angry, I could see that he no longer was. (When he blows up in anger his emotions metabolize and become digestible—he feels better after a “good” fight. For me, a fight is like getting socked in the head, the kind of punch that at first you can’t even feel how much it hurts and then throbs for days…) He came toward me and held his palms up to me like two “hold it right there” signs or, possibly, two “okay, okay, I give up” signs. My palms spontaneously rose to mirror his, whether to stop him from coming closer or to hold him to me, I also couldn’t tell. In that moment, I realized I was trapped. I couldn’t push him away, nor could I hold him close enough. I couldn’t keep him at bay because our lives are no longer two separate-but-parallel tracks as they were when we began living together. No. We’re living one life together. I don’t know how or when this happened.  Apparently, we’ve held each other too many times. Inhaled each other’s breath while falling asleep too many times. Had the same fight, kissed the same kiss, exchanged the same glance, eaten off the same plate one too many times. Our bodies and hearts have re-formed into cutouts that can only hold the other. From this realization and from the sight of his bare chest and the scent of his pineapple hair, I felt myself soften a tiny bit. But I could never hold him close enough so that he would know what it felt like for me to do this, or recognize the sequence of thoughts and feelings that led to this opening. I saw the depth of our connection and the simultaneous inability to know each other. He must feel the same exact way, I thought as I pulled him close. Very lonely. And, I realized, the closer we got, the more shocking and painful it would be to still not really know each other.

I feel pretty much the same way about my spiritual practice. Are the Buddhas and bodhisattvas really there? Do they know me? How can I ever know them? Am I inviting them or rejecting them? I have no idea. Sometimes I think yes and sometimes I think no. Just as often I think neither answer could possibly be relevant, but I don’t know how else to ask the question. All I know is that my efforts to connect more deeply with my teacher have become sort of dreamlike, difficult to discern, at least with my everyday mind. I can feel that the more I practice, the more something happens, but I’m not really sure what that something is, or what it responds to.
I used to just go to dharma talks and then try to practice what I’d been taught. I still try to do this. But just as often, these days I get my practice instructions from Aerosmith songs or an overheard conversation on the train. There’s nothing mysterious about it—I’m just listening to my iTunes or going to work and suddenly something clicks, like, “it’s really true—I don’t exist.” I don’t know where it comes from. It’s very personal. Intimate. Lonely.
A few weeks ago, I was talking to friend of mine, also a practitioner, but from a different lineage. He was telling me that nowadays, his practice consists of getting up in the morning, going to his meditation cushion, and sitting there. He just sits there and basically tries not to do anything at all. There are no longer any rules to follow such as “place the attention on the breath” or “visualize an open sky.” Just like me, he doesn’t really know what to do anymore. He can’t go back to following a set of practice instructions, nor is there a new set to jump forward into. There is only space and the feeling of groundlessness. In his tradition, he says, this stage of spiritual development is called “stupefaction” and that’s a pretty good way to say it. I love that. Stupefaction. This is where no one can tell you what to do anymore, no one but your Guru. But I no longer know what listening looks like. Some kind of dialogue is taking place within me but below my radar. No one will ever know what this is like for me. Not even me.

got this today from ocean of dharma which delivers a quote a day from Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. i received tremendous heart from these words and hope you will too.
TO SUBSCRIBE visit following link: http://OceanofDharma.com

[Chogyam Trungpa escaped from Tibet in 1959, having witnessed extensive destruction and death when the communist Chinese took over the country. He reflected on this in the diary that he kept in England from 1966 to 1978. With the recent events in Myanmar, I was reminded of this entry:]

ARMOR OF LOVING KINDNESS

The terrible cruelty of Mao Tse Tung I cannot pacify by simply holding on to anger and negative thoughts. Although the whole world can harm others by holding on to anger and negative thoughts, they cannot tame them. However, it is not that I do not have any means for pacifying his cruelty; I have a special means. What is this? It is to regard the activity of his negative karma with an unconditioned attitude of special compassion and loving kindness. Therefore, if one practices with the light of peace that the compassionate teacher has given to us, this is the special medicine that has not spread before. Therefore, there is not the slightest doubt that these cruel great men are conquered by the power of compassion.
Previously, when the Teacher, the Buddha, lived, many cannibal demons…who possessed innumerable miraculous powers, were tamed by the kindness of the great Teacher. If that is so, then I think that there is not the slightest doubt that I, a disciple of the Buddha, will follow this teaching and will conquer the warring of vicious barbarians with the strong and unyielding armor of loving kindness.

I am protected from the sword of anger by the armor of loving kindness.
I am protected from the sword of ego-clinging by the armor of loving kindness.
Though my vow of loving kindness is peaceful, it conquers anger.
The smile of loving kindness destroys the grimace of the demon anger.
Through silence and loving kindness,
The chariot of liberation is very dignified.
The steed of virtue is truly beautiful.
The regal vestments are rich and splendid.

Draft translation of an entry from January 1, 1976 in CHOGYAM’S DIARY, the Tibetan diary that Chogyam Trungpa kept in England from 1966 to 1968.The Nalanda Translation Committee is working on the translation for future publication.