When I ran across this quote initially it seemed a bit cold, but I have come to realize it really speaks to the way I roll in this life. However, I would “warm” this thinking a bit by stressing that it all may come down to how one wishes to expend their energy. I have never thought fighting was the best use of my energy. As a first generation American of African descent, many of the women I witnessed growing up wound up specializing in “fighting” as their way to confront the limitations that the patriarchal culture impinged on their relationships with men. Watching this I could not figure out why they could not just date (or marry) a guy that shared the egalitarian values they desired, instead of being in perpetual struggle in the patriarchal mindset. It just seemed like an incredible waste of energy to me- “like going to the hardware store for milk.” This was further confirmed when I would approach relationships later on with “my dukes up” only to be met with amusement along the lines of “relax babe, it is SO not that serious”- LOL.
Some people need “the fight” or drama to feel fully alive. I am definitely not in this category- I would tend to constrict, withdraw or reach for the carbs- or a combination of all three I think neither directionality in Horney’s thesis is either “good” or “bad.” My one concern is that the disappearing act I have effectuated from time to time may really deprive me in the end of learning how to articulate my needs more clearly, but at least I have the energy to give things another shot down the line