Posts from — March 2008

I gave this talk a few weeks ago for the Interdependence Project, an excellent grassroots, community-oriented non-profit “dedicated to teaching the insights of meditation and applying the truth of interconnectedness to life in the 21st-century world. “

Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche

Basically, the practice of sitting meditation doesn’t really help a great deal, yet it stirs up a lot of things. A lot of chaos, problems, and confusion begin to come up–as well as some kind of gentleness and understanding. So it seems to be okay, as long as you are not in a hurry. If you are in a hurry it will be very difficult, but as long as you are not in a hurry, you can do it.

From talk, “The Three Yanas,” given at Karma Dzong, August 15, 1975

Buddhist Dog Prays for Snack.

I’m really excited that my website is being redesigned. Right now this site is just a super-stuffed blog that I designed myself including the header which, although cheerful, is not quite right.

Any suggestions of stuff you’d like to see/be able to do, please let me know.

The wonderful Melanie Lowe is doing the design to make this site easier to look at and more fun to peruse. Now if only she had her own website, I’d point you to it. But you know how it is, cobbler’s son, no shoes, etc.

Under construction photos here.

LISTEN, ABUSHRI”

by Dza Patrul Rinpoche (1808-1887)

Translated by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

You who enjoy the union of bliss and emptiness

Seated motionless on the lunar disc

Above a beautiful hundred petalled flower

Radiant with white light,

I pay homage to you the Divine Guru, Vajrasattva.

Listen, Abushri

You miserable, daydreaming fool,

You remember how delusions

Confused you in the past?

Watch out for delusions in the present,

And don’t lead a hypocritical life.

Stop unnecessary speculations.

You’ve made hundreds of plans

Which never came off

And only led to disappointment.

Unfinished acts are like

The overlapping action of the waves.

Stay alone and stop

Making your own head spin.

You’ve studied hundreds of philosophies

Without grasping any of them.

What’s the point of further study?

You’ve studied without remembering

Anything when you needed it.

What’s the point of contemplation?

Forget about your “meditation”!

It doesn’t seem to be

The Cure for conflicting emotions.

You may have recited the set number of mantras

But you still haven’t mastered the concrete visualisations.

You may have mastered the concrete visualisations

But you still haven’t loosened the grip of duality.

You may have subdued apparent evils

But you still haven’t tamed your ego.

Forget your set periods of meditation

And following an obsessive schedule.

High and clear but not letting go,

Low and steady but lacking clarity,

Penetrating insight but only stabbing

That’s your meditation!

Forget the stare of concentration

And the tethered mind.

Lectures sound interesting

But they don’t help your mind.

The logical mind seems sharp

But it’s really the seed of confusion.

Oral instruction sounds very profound

But it doesn’t help if it isn’t practised.

Forget about browsing through books

Which causes distraction and eyestrain.

You bang your antique prayer-drum,

But, just for the novelty of playing (with) it.

You offer up your body,

But in fact you’re still attached to it.

You play clear sounding cymbals

But your mind is heavy and dull.

Forget about these tricks,

Attractive though they are.

Your disciples seem to be studying

But they never follow through;

One day there’s a glimmer of understanding,

But the next day it has gone.

They learn one thing out of a hundred

But they don’t retain even that.

Forget these apparently fervent disciples!

One’s closest friend is full of love

Today and indifferent tomorrow.

He is humble one minute and proud the next.

The more one loves him the more distant he becomes.

Forget the dear friend who smiles

Because the friendship is still a novelty!

Your girlfriend puts on a smiling face

But who knows what she really feels?

For one night of pleasure it’s nine months of heartache.

You can spend a month trying to bed her and still not succeed.

It’s really not worth all the scandal and gossip,

So forget about her.

Never-ending chatter stirs up likes and dislikes.

It may be amusing, and enjoyable

But it’s merely imitating the faults of others.

The listeners seem receptive

But they may be critical at heart.

It only gives you a dry throat

So forget about idle talk!

Preaching without first-hand experience

Of the subject is like dancing on books.

The audience way seem willing to listen

But they’re not really interested at all.

If you do not practise what you preach

You’ll be ashamed of it sooner or later,

So forget about hollow rhetoric!

When you haven’t any books

You feel the need for them;

When you have them you don’t.

It’s only a few pages

But to copy them is endless.

All the books in the world

Would give you no satisfaction,

So forget about copying –

Unless you get a fee for it!

One day you’re relaxed,

The next you are tense.

You will never be happy

If you’re swayed by people’s moods.

Sometimes they are pleasant

But maybe not when you need them

And you might be disappointed.

So forget about politeness and flattery!

Political and religious activities

Are only for gentlemen.

That’s not for you, my dear boy.

Remember the example of an old cow:

She’s content to sleep in a barn.

You have to eat, sleep and shit –

That’s unavoidable – anything

Beyond that is none of your business.

Do what you have to do

And keep yourself to yourself.

You’re as low as the lowest

So you ought to be humble.

There’s a whole hierarchy above you

So stop being proud.

You shouldn’t have too many close associates

Because differences would surely arise.

Since you’re not involved

In religious and political activities

Don’t make demands on yourself.

Give up everything, that’s the point!

This Teaching is given by Yogi Trime Lodrö from his own experience to his dear friend Abushri. Do practise it, although there is nothing to practise. Give up everything – that’s the whole point. Don’t get angry with yourself even if you can’t practise the Dharma.

Did I ever mention that I’ve basically been kind of sick for the last two years? Not like sick in the head, but regular sick, sick-sick. I never really blogged about it because for whatever reason I thought it would be embarrassing or make me feel worse. Plus I wanted to be all super-woman and what have you. Or at least not a whiner. This morning it occurred to me, hey you ought to write about that. Especially because you’re feeling so great now.

I thought all this while I was driving home at 745A this morning from a 615A Ashtanga yoga class. It was awesome. It felt so good to stretch and sweat and flex. I felt really strong. Suddenly it struck me that 6 months ago I had to stop and rest while trying to walk up a flight of stairs between the first and second floors of our house. I had been undergoing treatment for Hepatitis C. From which I have been cured—or I should say, have had a sustained viral response, meaning 6 months post-treatment, no virus is detectable in my system. I can’t get the capital letters big enough to express the YAY that I feel about this.

I got Hep C when I was in a car accident almost 20 years ago. It was a really bad accident. Dreadful. I’ve never written about it, but a few weeks ago decided to give it a try. I thought I could get the story down in a page or two but after more than 1200 words, I still didn’t really get the story out. Still unfinished, but here is the work in progress. IT CONTAINS A SCARY PICTURE OF A PERSON IN INTENSIVE CARE (me), so don’t look if that kind of thing makes you squeamish. Or I should say I have written about it, but only to record the dream fragments and half thoughts that, to me, are the story. Since I have no memory whatsoever of the accident or the days following. But I did have dreams and experiences nonetheless… These are those fragments. It’s more like a long poem.

I don’t know if you know anyone who has Hep C or has undergone treatment, but there are a lot of us out there.

There are various genotypes of Hep C, but the popular ones in the US are 1A, 1B, 2A, 2B. Genotype 1 is more resistant to cure so the treatment is twelve months. For Genotype 2, treatment is six months. In both cases, the basic treatment is weekly injections of interferon (also used in some chemotherapies, I believe) and daily pills of something called Ribavirin. I had genotype 1A so I was in for the twelve month program.

Here are a list of the potential side effects. The basics: fatigue, depression, weight gain or loss, nausea, brain fog, and the ubiquitous “flu-like symptoms.” The not-so-basic: psychosis, colitis, heart problems, and hair loss. Oh please, don’t clobber me with these chemicals and make me fat and bald. This was my primary thought when beginning treatment. Well neither of those happened. I did get super-skinny though, going from an already not fat weight of 120 lbs (at 5’7”) to a frighteningly skeletal 109 lbs at one point. The biggest side effects by far were fatigue and depression. I didn’t get depression so much, but I definitely was whacked with fatigue, but I think they should say “weakness” instead of fatigue. I wasn’t pooped all the time, but I was so unbelievably weak. Like if I folded the laundry, I had to lie down for awhile. Had to rest while going up stairs, as mentioned. My doctor put me on anti-depressants about a month before treatment cause it’s recommended for those who tend toward depression, as I do and I guess it must have worked. But I totally had brain fog, which is great practice if you ever choose to become demented. I couldn’t retain information. (Although I could write. I wrote a book during this time. Go figure.) I developed all these coping mechanisms for remembering things like why did I come upstairs? What time did you say to pick you up? Do I turn right or left at the intersection? Everyone forgets things like this now and then, but I forgot them I’d say 80% of the time. So I covered myself in post-its. I learned to “put” certain pieces of information in various body parts—for example if I was supposed to pick someone up at 7P, I’d look at my right thumb and go, “7P. Remember that.” So when I looked at my right thumb, I’d get 7P. Don’t ask me why that worked, but it did.

Anyway, I made it through the year virus free. Sadly, I relapsed after 3 months. (The cure rate is 50/50 so it wasn’t a huge shock, although it was a huge bummer.) I decided to try again, this time a treatment specifically for relapsers and non-responders. 35% success rate. I just thought it would work. Whatever the odds are for most people, it usually doesn’t work that way for me, so I figured I had a 65% chance of being cured. Thus began another 12 months of a slightly different form of interferon, this time 3 injections per week and also Ribavirin again. This time it was worse. I had all the same symptoms as before, but worse and with the addition of ridiculous migraines. For the last 6 months of the treatment, I probably had 3-5 migraines a week. Plus anemia. Plus skin rashes. Plus a zillion other things I probably can’t even remember now. This time I did not relapse. I made it past the all-important 6 month mark, at the beginning of this year. My doctor sent me my blood test with a little smiley face draw on it.

About 3 months ago, I think I basically came back to normal although still kind of weak from 2.5 years of very little exercise and very low calorie intake. Now I’m about up to my normal weight and can once again do warrior poses, handstands, and a zillion chataranga dandasanas. Thank you, my body. You rule.

Here’s mine, in this month’s

Buddhism has much to teach on the topic relationships, even though it may not seem that way at first. I mean what do the four noble truths (life is suffering; suffering is caused by attachment; it’s possible to stop suffering; there is an 8-fold path for doing so) have to do with figuring out how to love someone—or how to survive when someone stops loving you? Well, as a student of Buddhism and one who writes about relationships, I can tell you that every time I’ve tried to contextualize a Buddhist teaching as a way of understanding love, it works.

So not too long ago, I thought about the four noble truths and the three yanas in connection with that which we long for and fear the most: love. I don’t mean to be facile with these precious teachings. It’s just that I’ve been helped by them so much in matters of the heart and wanted to share them.

The four noble truths are as described above. The three yanas (or vehicles) are the Hinayana (foundational vehicle), Mahayana (great vehicle), and Vajrayana (indestructible vehicle.)

Hinayana teachings focus on personal conduct; getting your own life together.

Mahayana teachings are about what naturally happens next: your heart opens to others. You can’t help it. So the Mahayana is about compassion and recognizing the profound interconnectedness of all phenomena.

The Vajrayana is about working with every circumstance as an opportunity for complete enlightenment. Here one finds teachings on ordinary magic, crazy wisdom, and auspicious coincidence—the ways the world conspires to introduce you to your true nature.

With these ridiculously superficial explanations, let’s look at the four noble truths and the three yanas in light of relationships.

I made all this up, so please don’t take it too seriously.

Four Noble Truths of Relationships
1. Relationships are deeply uncomfortable.
Whether it’s your first date or tenth anniversary, there is simply an enormous amount of discomfort involved in relationships. We’re afraid of being hurt, disappointed, overtaxed, ignored. The interesting part is that all these things happen. This is just the way it is, even in happy relationships.

The thing no one tells you is that it’s impossible to stabilize a relationship. Yes, I really mean those italics. Impossible. The emotional exchange between two people shifts like grains of sand in the desert: some days you can see forever and some days you just have to take cover because something kicked up out of nowhere and now shit is flying all over the place. You can’t see two feet in front of you and it stings. On still other occasions, imperceptible winds cause little piles to slowly accumulate until, one day, a familiar path is altogether blocked. You just can’t tell what’s going to happen. And just like hiking in the desert, you have to be as absorbed in the present moment as you are attuned to atmospheric indicators. Woe to she whose attention to either lapses.

The bad news is you never get to where you thought you were going. You get somewhere else instead. The good news is that there’s basically no way to have a boring relationship.

2. Discomfort comes from trying to make the relationship comfortable.
At the root of the discomfort is the wish that it wouldn’t be uncomfortable, that we could eventually find the “right” person and relax. But the truth is that when you do find the (or a) right person, it’s anything but relaxing: your neuroses, their neuroses, and all the hopes and fears you’ve ever had about love flood your situation. Whether you bargained for it or not, you get introduced to your deepest self while someone else is trying to introduce you to their deepest self. It can get very confusing. But instead of wasting time trying to make it not confusing, better to dive right in and be really nice to each other as you consider the root of your own and his/her confusion. (Acting nice to each other in the midst of confusion is love. Shhh.) (PS Acting nice doesn’t always mean being all sweet and demure. But I digress.)

3. It’s the inability to create safety that plots the path to love.
True love seems to exist on some mysterious edge of its own. It can’t be controlled and when you try, it calcifies. To keep it alive, at some point you just have to let go and see what happens.

When you work with all this nuttiness, love becomes more than mere romance. It turns into something way better: intimacy. Romance has got to end, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. But intimacy? It has no end. You can’t be, “oh, intimacy, we’ve done that. What comes next?” Nothing comes next. That’s it. Discuss.

4. It is possible to work with the uncertainty skillfully.
Instead of flinging yourself kamikaze-like into the flame of love, you can train in working with the heat. As with anything you consider important (or life-threatening, for that matter), you don’t want to just show up and hope for the best. You want to play the odds.

Applying the view of the three yanas could help.

Three Yanas
1. Hinayana
As mentioned, Hinayana teachings are about personal conduct: right speech, right action, and so on. You get your own life in order through discipline, honor, and effort. You know how to make your bed, pick up your clothes, and make it to work on time. Basic stuff, but without which everything simply falls apart. Very important.

When applied to relationships, Hinayana view could mean things like calling someone when you say you will. Being on time. Having good manners. Listening when they talk and other such radical propositions.

2. Mahayana
When you are a stand-up human being, you can extend yourself to another in a more profound way. In fact, you want to. It just happens. You could find love and actually enjoy it.

Once you get into a relationship however, you find out something pretty disturbing: you have to love them back.

For whatever reason, all the relationship books and TV shows in the world seem to be about how to get love, not how to give it–which is quite a complicated proposition. Here’s the problem: most of us aren’t looking for someone to love. We’re looking for someone to cast in the role of boyfriend or girlfriend. Central casting, send me someone who has a job, a car, and speaks English! (My stringent requirements for potential boyfriends, back in the day.) You can get as specific as you want when you send in your requisition (I need someone with brown hair who likes dogs but not cats, enjoys rowing, and has never eaten at Hooters), but eventually that person is going to break character. Then what? Alarmingly, you have to dispense with all your requirements and have a look at the actual person in front of you. You see that this person is as important as yourself. This is the very teensy-tiny beginning of compassion: when you agree not to be the most important person on earth. But that’s okay. Now you can start to figure out what it really means to love.

3. Vajrayana
If the Vajrayana teachings are about meeting the circumstances of everyday life as a potential moment of transformation, then applied to relationships it could mean something like this: Every single thing that happens between you and your beloved is an opportunity to love more. Everything. Even crappy stuff.

Just as no one can tell you how to make giving birth or spilling your coffee into an opportunity to attain enlightenment, no one can tell you how to do so when your beloved leaves you for someone else or fails to empty the dishwasher. (Although he promised he would.) Big or small, heart crushing or annoying, delightful or irritating, no matter what happens, in the Vajrayana view it is fodder for wakefulness, for love. And just as with Vajrayana meditation practices, you can read books about how to do them and even have a great person teach them to you, but at some point you’re on your own. You have to figure it out for yourself.

The willingness to try is love itself. Isn’t it?

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