Talking about Buddhism and Heartbreak (in our living room)
How Can I Heal a Broken Heart?
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4 comments
Susan,
thanks for sharing your insight and moment of grace. it reminds me of when i was living through “a broken heart” and i would make a couple of requests of myself each day to explore healing and presence. these were
*what can i be grateful for today? simple gratitudes such as the sunny weather, catching the green light when driving, noticing the dewdrop on a leaf, being able to get out of bed and meditate for just a few minutes, my family etc etc
*taking my attention “off” my thinking about my pain – extending the time each day. First day a couple of seconds, second day seconds and so on until eventually i had created a pathway of being where i was instead of in my head creating pain.
*getting closer to my needs rather than closer to my strategies; by this i mean when i could feel the pain welling inside i would get closer to it -”oh, i am really needing connection right now (not i am really needing him right now). now, with this i started to realise i could find connection all kinds of ways and i loosened my grasping to “one” strategy for getting that connection.
* finally, i did practical things; no sad love songs, strong music supporting self, physical exercise, sticking with my meditation practice even though it was chaotic in my head, making sure i made arrangements to the outside world: friends, courses, volunteering etc.
it’s not that one avoids a broken heart, its that it gets a perspective – a place in our life -but is not our life or who we are. something like that. it is an opportunity or calling for exploration rather than a tragedy “done to us”. For me, it was about shifting my locus of control back to me.
thanks for this
How does one end a relationship — knowing it will break the heart of the one they are leaving? And if that person refuses to accept your leaving, how does one help them to accept it- lovingly? How involved should the leaver be in helping the one they are leaving? It is very painful for me to leave and easy at times to succumb to the offer of love I know I cannot reciprocate in kind. I try to be firm. I explain. I am sorry. I cry with them. I question myself. I get mad. I feel guilt. I get rebellious. I breathe. I try. I fail. I try again. I am not sure… I am heartbroken myself. Who doesn’t want to feel sure of a love and to embrace it and know? Of course I do! But if, as much as I love, it is not THE love, I must go. And the process begins… I can barely think anymore.
Lilly – I am going thru the same feelings right now. I have hurt someone deeply, and am agonizing over the pain I have caused.
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