Posts from — January 2009

Spoke recently with Stephen Mitchell, internationally respected translator of the world’s great wisdom texts, who has published versions of the Tao Te Ching, the Bhagavad Gita, The Book of Job, and Gilgamesh. His wife is Byron Katie, author of Loving What Is, among other wonderful books about wakefulness and joy.

I talked with Stephen for my upcoming book, The Wisdom of a Broken Heart, which will be out in Jan 2010. I wanted to talk to him about stuff like The Secret and the idea that thinking positively could effect outcomes. When your heart is broken, you want to rearrange your thoughts so that they’re not so ridiculously painful. You want to have faith in something, to believe that what you’re experiencing is leading you to something “better.” And I really believe that it is–but I also believe we can’t know what that something is, so imagining so-called positive outcomes as a way of escaping current pain could actually be more confusing. Not to mention dulling and silly. I mean who wants to ignore reality and instead insist everything’s fine, everything’s fine, everything’s fine, if I only think the right thoughts, I can have everything I want. Yet gaining dominion over your thoughts is critical to working with heartbreak to end up wiser than when you went in.

So I couldn’t help but wonder (if I may pull a spiritual Carrie Bradshaw; cue words scrolling across computer screen):

What is the difference between positive thinking and wishful thinking?

Here is an excerpt from the chapter in my new book called “Have Faith.”

In this sense, faith is not so much a belief that everything is somehow going to work out for the best, which can be very, very difficult to imagine when your heart is broken, when you are literally—and understandably—desperate to believe that what you’re feeling is some kind of divine redirection away from what was bad for you and toward what is going to be way better than you ever imagined. This isn’t really a good state of mind to walk around in. First, it presumes that you know what’s best for you and, honestly, I’ve never found evidence that this is a big enough point of view.

I know that there is a lot of emphasis on thinking positively and believing that you can make good things happen by expecting good things to happen. Recently, I had occasion to speak to my friend Stephen Mitchell about this. He is an internationally respected translator of the world’s great wisdom texts, has published versions of the Tao Te Ching, the Bhagavad Gita, The Book of Job, and Gilgamesh. I asked him if, in his lifelong study of the core teachings of all religions, he’d ever come across this idea. I wrote down what he said, because it was so excellent. Here it is:

The teaching of every one of the great sacred texts is that control is an illusion. When you understand that ultimately you are not the doer, you can step back from yourself. That is the only path to serenity.  In other words, letting go of the illusion of control, and realizing that you never had it in the first place, allows you to live in the most dazzlingly intelligent, beautiful, and kind reality that you could ever have imagined—and beyond what you could have imagined.

I don’t know about you, but I’ll have what he’s having. When I thought about it, I realized that all the many things I had longed for throughout my life and had been lucky enough to get—like a good relationship, great friends, and a cool job—hadn’t exactly made me into Mahatma Gandhi. In a lot of ways, I was just as riled up and dissatisfied as ever. So maybe I wasn’t the supreme arbiter of all things good for me. Now what?

According to Stephen, actually, all I had to do was relax, to allow the world to dazzle me instead of the other way around. So I’m trying. When I can relax enough, I see that, just like me, everyone—regular people, great superstars and profound sages—probably all started out worrying that the world was going to eat them alive or that they simply weren’t lovable enough. We are all just looking for some kind of happiness. Sometimes things work out for us and sometimes they don’t. It really doesn’t matter. Eventually, all our hopes and fears are going to dissolve and at the end of our lives, according to all the deathbed reports we’ve ever received, the only thing that will matter is how loving and brave we’ve been. I mean, come on, all those dying people can’t be wrong. They seem to be saying that all the things you want and all the things you dread are just like waves in the ocean. Eventually, they just become reabsorbed into the vast play of the ocean. And you know what? The ocean doesn’t care. It never gives up. It can accommodate it all, gentle waves that lap the shore and those that roil up ferociously, tiny tidal pools and great, freezing depths. The real secret, the great ones say, is that we are much more like the ocean than the waves. Underneath all our hopes and fears is profound stillness and the memory of how to return to it. You can bank on it.

Check out “You Are Too Beautiful” from what may be my favorite recording of all time. Called “the greatest album ever made” by Esquire Mag in 1990. Only recording Coltrane ever made with a vocalist. Supreme, supreme, supreme. Makes me weep. Literally.

Click on album cover to hear the track:

Check out the whole recording here. Please. You will be so happy.

Had the good fortune last week to interview David Allen, author of the deservedly sanctified Getting Things Done and the new book, Making it All Work. His Getting Things Done system is a brilliant strategy for making sense of all your inputs (e-mails, phone messages, professional directives, personal priorities), reconciling them with your intentions and priorities, and capturing it all in an organized way so you can use your mind for other purposes besides freaking out about how much you have to do.

I interviewed him for an article I’m writing for SELF magazine about how, according to Buddhist thought, being too busy, rather than a sign of success, is considered a sign of laziness. But how can being in-demand, committed, and loaded with responsibility be called lazy?! Because you’ve allowed your agenda to run you, not the other way around. The reasons for this go deep. It didn’t get this way because you lack willpower. It’s more likely a lack of self-awareness that turned your agenda into a raging beast. You’ve forgotten who you really wanted to be in this life. So it’s actually a spiritual question as much as a time-management issue. That’s what I want to explore in this blog post.

When I’ve spoken with David in the past—and from my long-time experience as a GTD-er—I’m always struck by the spiritual underpinnings of his point of view. In this system, spiritual doesn’t mean woo-woo, new age, navel-gazing, escapist crapola. Instead, it means unflinching, committed, humorous (the more serious the practitioner, the better the sense of humor, I’ve noticed) devotion to looking life right in the eye, figuring out the truth about who you are, allowing yourself to be affected by it all, and then going, clear-eyed, with the flow. Whatever flow looks like for you. Today. This is what GTD helps you do. Sometimes it feels great, sometimes it’s mighty uncomfortable.

The goal of his system is to create a precise, peaceful, and elegant daily experience, one that cultivates what he calls “mind like water.” No matter what you throw into water—a tiny pebble, a giant boulder, your boss and the horse he rode in with—water doesn’t care. It reacts appropriately, absorbs the impact, and returns to stillness as quickly as possible.

GTD organizes your outer life so that this stillness is possible.

So now you have some measure of stillness. This is where the lazy part comes in.

“Laziness,” David says, “is basically a lack of courage.” He describes being too busy and disorganized as a “pretty effective behavior to avoid the intensity of being alive. What you might find if you slow down is who you really are. (When you do,) you’re reminded of how magnificent you are.”  Dramatic pause. “Are you ready to stand up to that?”

I had to wonder: why is it so scary to see who you really are? Because, he said, people would then have to figure out “how you could realize your magnificence and still be a lazy slob who yells at your wife, etc…” In other words, a regular person who is also extraordinary. Meaning, once you glimpse your potential, your greatness, what some would call Buddhanature, it raises the stakes quite a bit and you can no longer pretend your life is going to begin sometime “later;” when you change jobs, meet the right person, lose 8 pounds, or whatever it is. The time to express your potential, suddenly, is Right Now. You see your gifts. There’s no more denying what you’re here to do. “The planet is wired to have you learn the lesson of being responsible for where you have put your creative attachments and energy.” So with stillness comes insight into the truth of who you are and how you invest your energy. Are you ready to stand up to that?

So on one hand, GTD is a way to organize your “stuff” and you can stop with that view and it’s totally fine. It is an amazing system. But on the other hand, it can be a powerful tool on the journey to discover who you really are.

“It all depends on how deep you want to go,” he says.

The way to start? As David said in such a simple way, it made me laugh: “All you have to do is pay attention to what has your attention.” Start with right now. Start by paying full attention to your next action. And the one after that.

A tenet of the system is to look at all you have to do, identify the very next action to take regarding each project you’re committed to, and then take it. The trick is to bring your attention with you. Problems arise when your body is doing the next action but your mind is five actions down the road, or in Tahiti, or wondering if you look fat. You get the idea. Synchronizing body and mind through the placement of attention is as spiritual an endeavor as I can imagine. Not to mention, it helps you get a whole hell of a lot done. A person who can command placement of attention is a formidable creature indeed…

So, I tell myself, the next time you find yourself wicked busy and out of breath, let yourself fill up with breath once again. Notice it as it streams in and notice it as it flows out. Ride the breath like a wave and watch as the waves begin to slow and deepen until you are reminded of the stillness that is always there. The mind knows how to return to this state.

Mind like water.

Stay tuned for Part 2, wherein we discuss a second aspect of laziness: losing awareness of the present moment and instead becoming absorbed in what ifs and oh nos.

(which I’m participating in)

Jennifer Louden (the Comfort Queen) has put together a bunch of her pals (I’m honored to be one) who are also writers and teachers to launch her first ever Virtual Retreat. Check it out.

Comfort During Uncertain Times Virtual Retreat:
Finding Calm, Confidence and Contentment no Matter What

No need to travel the ends of the earth to find cool teachers to share their wisdom with you. From January 16-19, ten wonderful teachers will be available to speak with you about your personal needs and worries, and about how to navigate difficult times. My session, Conquering Fear, Gaining Peace is scheduled for Sunday January 18th at 8 am Pacific/ 11 am Eastern for 35  minutes. My session will cover:

• How to stay grounded in the moment when fear threatens to overwhelm you
• Calming down inner voices that talk of sure failure
• Practical ideas for dealing with anxious thoughts
• Step-by-step instructions on how to walk through your fears without becoming overwhelmed.

You’ll even be able to download the session if you can’t be there when it’s “live.”  It’s going to be amazing.

FREE GOODIE: The first 10 people who register for the retreat and sign up for my newsletter receive a free 45-minute class with me (by phone) to receive personal meditation instruction and discuss how to set up a home practice. Includes follow-up e-mail.

Other speakers will be leading these inspirational, helpful sessions:

Havi Brooks, Emergency Calming Techniques
Judith Orloff, Emotional Healing
Michael Neill, The Comfort of Your Innate Well-Being
Steve Chandler, Money Fear versus Money Self Esteerm
Geneen Roth, Overcoming Emotional Eating
Michael Bungay Stanier, Moving Towards Great Work
Laura Berman Fortgang, Life Satisfaction Expert
Barbara Sher, Re-energizing Your Career and Getting Into Action

To find out how to register for the Virtual Retreat, click HERE.

If you have any questions, e-mail me HERE.

I asked my twitter pals: what book helped you the most spiritually, whether or not it was considered “spiritual.” Here is what they said:

@MeKathy   The Power of Now

@VincentHorn  : By far it was “Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha

@WilliamHarryman  Pema Chodron’s “Start Where You Are” & Chogyam Trungpa’s “Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior” – these books changed my life

@jamesoreilly  Recently, the self-improvement classic, Power Through Constructive Thinking by Emmet Fox. Still a gem.

@conflux  Jed McKenna’s Enlightenment Trilogy has been the most useful to me so far

@TheEggman__  There are many books that mean so much… the book that started me on the path was The Miracle of Mindfulness, by Thich Nhat Hanh

@librarianlounge  Pema Chodron’s “When Things Fall Apart” and “The Places that Scare You.”

@patrickrhone  The Wooden Bowl, Care of The Soul and Buddhism, Plain and Simple are at the top of my list. It would be hard to pick a top for me.

@finikiotis  Great question. Thanks for asking! Peter Mathiessen’s The Snow Leopard comes to mind. Picked it up recently & it’s still inspiring.

@RevDannyFisher  “Step by Step” by Maha Ghosananda

@dporter Years ago – Surfing the Himalayas – More recent – Celestine Prophecy – Recently – Peaceful Warrior

@dirkjohnson   too late for your list? Tibetan Book of the Dead (shi-tro!), first in Thurman’s but subsequently all translations but Evans-Wentz

@royblumenthal  ZEN & THE ART OF FALLING IN LOVE (Charlotte Kasl). URBAN SHAMAN (Serge Kahili King). THE FOUR AGREEMENTS (Dom Miguel Ruiz).

@pixiesing  Hope it’s not too late to add “Peace is Every Step” (Thich Nhat Hahn) to your list.

@slish  weighing in on great ? –Richard Bach’s Jonathan Livingston Seagull which never fails to inspire when i re-read. simple & true

@Sprinter14   Writings  of Nichiren Daishonin

@MWendyHaylett  The Way of the Bodhisattva by Shantideva, Shin Buddhism: Bits of Rubble Turn into Gold by Taitetsu Unno, Diamond-Cutter Sutra, The Heart Sutra, and Everday Suchness by Gyomay Kubose… sorry for the list and not just 1.

@GenKreton  Not a book but a poem http://bit.ly/n8nj _Please Call Me by My True Names_ by Thich Nhat Hanh.  Extremely moving; holds many truths

@smartstartcoach  Be Here Now by Ram Dass was a fave in 1971; later (circa 1999) I read Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

@lynnjake : The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho.

@McCashew  The year of Wishful Thinking, Joan Didion

@leonadawson  M Rosenberg: NVC A Language of Life, E Gendlin, Focusing. Books for connecting with one’s own inner world & then living it

@leannahamill  S. Boorstein’s It’s Easier Than You Think, and Jane Eyre.

@susan_marie Susan–has anyone mentioned the wisdom books in the Bible/Hebrew scriptures in response? I especially turn to Sirach/Ecclesiasticus.

@TheEggman__  currently it is ‘For A Future to be Possible’ Thich Nhat Hanh, a good guide for me

@Lotuspad  The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot. Blew my mind – artfully melds spirituality and science. Second runner up is The Artist’s Way.

@aritadesign  The 4 Agreements and  Power of now, have jump started my spiritual adventure

@jenlouden  this month, YOURS (How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life)

@LuminousHeart  Sogyal Rinpoche’s Tibetan Book of the Dead was life changing Maybe 1st I read, first I found in mainstream bookstore. (Brattle St) Also, Magic Dance by Thinley Norbu is a favorite. Currently diving in Dakini’s Warm Breath. Have been longing for this feminine aspect.

@Bodhipaksa  The Dhammapada was what made me realize I was a Buddhist. All it took was the first two verses.

ra3 “Mindfulness in Plain English”, Henepola Gunaratana, sparked my interest

Comfort Queen’s 2009 Virtual Retreat

Hosted by Jennifer Louden
January 16th-19th 2009

My session: Sunday January 18th at 8 am Pacific/ 11 am Eastern for 35  minutes
To register for the Virtual Retreat, click HERE.

About the retreat:

Comfort During Uncertain Times Virtual Retreat:
Finding Calm, Confidence, and Contentment No Matter What

Four exciting days of connection, encouragement, and empowerment that will change your life. Over the four-day “virtual retreat” you’ll be able to call in live to hear each of ten truly magnificent speakers and teachers connect with your personal needs and worries, speak to your hearts and help you learn how to navigate the uncertainty of the upcoming year with grace, calm and confidence. (And you’ll be able to download every session so even if your schedule tries to get in the way, you won’t miss a thing.)

On Sunday January 18th at 8 am Pacific/ 11 am Eastern for 35 minutes, I’ll be leading my session: Conquering Fear, Gaining Peace. If you tune in you’ll be able to hear me give you some great strategies you can use right now to:

* Stay grounded in the moment when fear threatens to overwhelm you

* Calm down inner voices that talk of sure failure

* Learn practical ideas for dealing with anxious thoughts

* Learn step-by-step instructions on how to walk through your fears without becoming overwhelmed.

Other speakers will be leading these inspirational, life changing sessions:

* Havi Brooks, Emergency Calming Techniques

* Judith Orloff, Emotional Healing

* Michael Neill, The Comfort of Your Innate Well-Being

* Steve Chandler, Money Fear versus Money Self Esteem

* Geneen Roth, Overcoming Emotional Eating

* Michael Bungay Stanier, Moving Towards Great Work

* Laura Berman Fortgang, Life Satisfaction Expert

* Barbara Sher, Re-energizing Your Career and Getting Into Action

To register for the Virtual Retreat, click HERE.