Byron Katie on Love
Stephen MItchell & Byron Katie
Byron Katie’s February newsletter is about love…
It’s not what you think…Or is it?
An excerpt:
If you say that you love your husband, what does that have to do with him?
You’re just telling him who you are. You tell the story of how he’s handsome and fascinating and sexy, and you love your story about him. You’re projecting that he’s your story. And then when he doesn’t give you what you want, you may tell the story of how he’s mean, he’s controlling, he’s selfish—and what does that have to do with him? If my husband says, “I adore you,” I think, “Good. I love that he thinks I’m his sweet dream. How happy he must feel about that!”
If he were ever to come to me and say, “The sorriest day of my life was when I married you,” still, what would that have to do with me? He’d just be in a sad dream this time, and I might think, “Oh poor baby, he’s having a nightmare. I hope he wakes up soon.” It’s not personal. How can it have anything to do with me? I love him, and if what he says about me isn’t true in my experience, I would ask him if there’s anything I can do for him. If I can do it, I will, and if it’s not honest for me, I won’t. He is left with his story. No one will ever understand you. Realizing this is freedom. No one will ever understand you—not once, not ever. Even at our most understanding, we can only understand our story of who you are. There’s no understanding here except your own. If you don’t love another person, it hurts, because love is your very self. You can’t make yourself do it.
I loved this post so much. Something to read and contemplate over and over. I particularly loved reading the story, written by Stephen, of their falling in love. And check out Stephen’s new book while you’re at it, The Second Book of the Tao.
3 comments
New blog post: Byron Katie on Love. Her POV is extraordinarily helpful, deep, true, & easy to become confused about. http://snurl.com/bvg6k
RT @spiver: New blog post: Byron Katie on Love. Her POV is extraordinarily helpful, deep, true,… http://snurl.com/bvg6k
hi susan, i see the point made about projection, and at the same time there is relative truth yes? by that i mean that though ultimately we are seeing projection, it’s based on some relative interactions that are relatively true or potentially accurate. if i’m bothered by a lack of shared responsibility with housework, that’s not all projection.
that said, we do often blame our emotions on the “other”. so then how to discuss that without sounding nihilistic, sound like it’s all projection. that’s what i hear in her tone, that i can completely ignore you if you complain about my not walking the dog. maybe she isn’t saying that really, but it just seems like there could be a way of expressing both the quality of story/projection/etc. – the quality of self projection into the environment – and at the same time acknowledge the relative interplay and interdependence of the situation and one’s emotional state. we start where we are. our klesha arises from our karma. just ignoring that as project seems too heaven and not enough earth: too much like pushing away the reality of our experience in the name of some ultimate. maybe it’s just presenting view and not path, and later she talks about path?
best,
davee
Leave a Comment