The Great Discipline Experiment, Day 17: Relax Already
Some years ago, a friend named Jeff was telling me about the time he was assigned the task of driving a Tibetan Buddhist teacher to a dharma center to give a talk. My friend made sure to leave in plenty of time–he did not want to make the teacher late. However about 15 minutes from their destination, he noticed that traffic was unusually heavy. He started to get a little anxious and peered over at the teacher. He seemed unperturbed. A few minutes later, they hit an enormous traffic jam and came to a near standstill. Now my friend was really anxious. He thought of all the students waiting for the talk to begin and the possible discomfort the teacher might feel at being late. He tried to peer around the traffic ahead to see the source of the snarl, tuned to the AM radio station for traffic updates, and generally wished that his car could fly. He glanced at the teacher again. Again, utterly unperturbed. “Jeff,” he said, “what do you expect? This is samsara. Nothing is going to work out.”
Far from being a bummer, the way the teacher said it suddenly cleared the air of anxiety. Jeff relaxed. And so did I, hearing the story. Maybe you could, too.
It’s true. This is samsara. Nothing is ever going to work out. Everything is impermanent, including traffic jams and feelings of anxiety. And also the times of smooth sailing and feelings of contentment–they too will go. Everything you love will dissolve, along with everything you hate. So if no battle can be won, no love secured, no safety created, no control exacted, what to do? Seen through one lens, this could be considered extremely bad news. You will never find security. But, just like hearing that the game you’re playing is not a contest after all, you can relax and enjoy the feeling of playing.
So how does this relate to the GDE? I realize that part of my motivation for wanting discipline is that I want things to work out. I think I can make that happen. In some very real ways, I can. I can give my all to my writing. I can think deeply and act respectfully in my relationships. I can push my boundaries, every day. However, it’s not going to work out. When I can remember that, I stand the chance of seeing that, as is also taught, samsara is inseparable from nirvana. It is very good to be alive, no matter what.
Now back to the drawing board.
PS. In the meantime, with the intention to be less rigid, I’m accomplishing more stuff…
6 comments
Hi, Susan – your posts about Getting Things Done and the great experiment have me smiling today as I attempt to keep to my SCHEDULE on my self-directed “writing residency” here in Provincetown. Meditate, write, study, exercise, WRITE….
Sound familiar? It’s the routine you established on our wonderful writing retreat last year… and it works really well for me, except when those inevitable things (also known as life!) come up! Relaxing with that, remembering that life IS the point, not ORDER…. is both the challenge and the “solution”…
I so much appreciate your openness about your challenges, and your learning (and “failures”) – it’s helping me to approach all this with a lighter touch!
Thanks,
Katherine
New blog post: TThe Great Discipline Experiment, Day 17: Relax Already http://bit.ly/nLN39
I was in your Tulsa meditation workshop. I was very grateful for the simplicity of calling every distraction–no matter what it was–”thinking.”
Similarly, I am now calling all my schedules, and plans, and rigidness, and structures “errands.” I’ve spent way too many years of my life “erranding.” And all the while there have been people to connect with and moments to relax and enjoy. So now I’m trying to errand less and enjoy more.
Thanks for your presence in Tulsa, Susan.
My loving wife Dianne directed me to this post (and I’m not a namaste kind of guy), on a day as a writer when I woke up truly thinking I’d be fired, and through the graces of a friend/boss (rather than the other way around), I flourished a bit but not enough to sleep well. Your post gave me what I need, and will refer back to for comfort. Thank you.
Well, this post of yours is only day 17 and it seems your month-long experiment has come and gone. I look forward to whatever it is you are writing next! I also sometimes make one-month commitments. Some pan out, some don’t. When it works, when I actually do the thing (or don’t do) that I promised myself, it strengthens me somehow from the inside out. And the whole process, as you so have so openly written about, reveals myself to myself, warts and all.
See next blog post…