Posts from — August 2009

Hello to the creative artists out there.

Hello to those of you who wish to live authentically and deeply.

Hello to anyone out there who is confused as hell about what this means.

I’m talking to all of you, including myself.

About a month ago, I was on the phone with a close friend who was utterly confused by his own life. He had started on his adult path with a clear connection to his creativity and purpose. But now, 15 years on, with a lucrative profession and a beautiful family, he had gotten himself to a place where everything looked good on the outside but felt bad on the inside. For years he had been asking himself if he should he quit his job, move to a different town, etc. He thought long. He thought hard. One day he thought this and the next day he thought that. But nothing changed. When we last spoke, he had reached the end of his rope. He said, “I need advice. I can’t keep going in circles like this. I’m just not happy but I don’t know why or what to do. I need someone I trust to tell me what to do.”

Fortunately, I knew exactly who to refer him to. Himself.

I’m not talking about the agitated, childhood-neurotic, moralistic, affirmation-saying self. That self just kept plaguing him with thought after thought after thought, laying out hopeful scenarios followed by fearful ones, debating with him in the voices of his mother, father, best friend, favorite writers, and various television stars. I’m talking about the self that exists just beyond the fringe of discursive, conventional mind, the self who sees clearly, possesses extraordinary insight, knows the truth, and can be called upon in every moment to guide with wisdom—if only we can remember to ask.

This self automatically steps forward when we relax and stop thinking that the problems we think we have can be solved by thinking some more about them.

This self automatically steps forward when we step out of the discursive stream and, rather than allowing it to carry us, watch it rush by. This is what happens when you meditate. It is also what happens when you write.

These realizations lead me to create a retreat that combines meditation and writing. During this program we slow down, unhook from our conventional lives, rest the mind in meditation, and then write to discover who we are, what we think, and what we need to express. It is meant for anyone who wants to reconnect with his or her authentic self. It also happens to be a fantastic way for those who write to take a deep dive into an existing project or start a new one—but no writing (or meditation) experience is necessary to take advantage of this program and receive its gifts.

So I suggested to my friend that he stop thinking and instead relax his mind. I suggested that he go on a meditation retreat and let the raging river of thought settle into a cool, clear stream where what is settled at the bottom is as evident as that which floats on the surface. This is how one makes space for wisdom to arise. I wish this for him, and I wish it for you.

Please email me if you think you might be interested in attending such a retreat, but think you can’t meditate, would never dare to call yourself a writer, or your life would fall apart if you walked out of it for 3 or 7 days. We could have a discussion.

VERMONT
September 18 – 25
Authentic Inspiration
Barnet, VT
Karme Choling
Program Fee: $675
This price includes meals but does not include accommodations. To view scholarship and financial assistance resources, click here.

COLORADO
October 23 – 25, 2009
Meditation and Creativity
Red Feather Lakes, CO
Shambhala Mountain Center
Program fee: $315 – $595, including $155 tuition, depending on lodging. Price is all-inclusive.

October 23 – 29, 2009
Meditation and Creativity: An Extended Retreat with Susan Piver
Red Feather Lakes, CO
Shambhala Mountain Center
Program fee: $495 – $1,055, including $195 tuition, depending on lodging. Price is all-inclusive.

PAST PARTICIPANTS
I had not written anything in a long time. The Writers’ Retreat gave me the space, time, and inward focus to let creativity happen naturally. I hadn’t realized how much I had to say.  The meditation aspect of the retreat provided a peaceful structure where writing could be a pleasure once again instead of work.

Anne, Boston, Realtor

This course helped me integrate meditation skills such as serenity, focus, compassion, and insight into the areas of poetry and fiction. I am extremely grateful!

Brian, Ithaca, College Student

The growth I experienced in a few days was life changing.

Britta, NYC, Graphic Designer

I cannot recommend this writing and meditation retreat enough! Susan’s carefully considered practice schedule offers precisely the right balance of meditation and space in which to write. Her teaching style allows for full creative expression to unfold because she neither interferes with the writing process, nor does she abandon the writer to his or her own devices. The result is a profound deepening of the work of writing and the practice of meditation. I left with a much more sophisticated understanding of how these two practices are not only complimentary, but how meditation is crucial to the life of the writer. This is a very rare opportunity for anyone, indeed.

Crystal, NYC, Novelist

Susan Piver is very wise, intuitive, and insightful and has had great impact, with a very light touch.

Gil, St. Johnsbury, VT, Corporate Consultant

Susan is a caring, compassionate person whose presence, insights, and instructions made for a valuable week exploring meditation practice and writing.

Heather R, Albany, Travel Writer

I can’t imagine any way to improve this program because it was more than I could have asked for.

Kathy, Cleveland, Librarian

Emotionally moving, spiritually a gift, cathartic beyond my wildest imagination.

Miriam, Cambridge, Waitress

With completely redoing my office. It’s a small room and it’s driving me crazy. I’m pining for elegance, order, and total upliftedness.

Here is what I have:

Here is what I long for:

This would be OK too:

Or this:

Nothing wrong with this:

Final cover, title, subtitle, bound galley copy, ISBN code, blurbs…

“Susan Piver expresses in a wise and funny way that even heartbreak can become an awakening experience.” Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, author of Ruling Your World and Turning the Mind into an Ally

THE WISDOM OF A BROKEN HEART:
An Uncommon Guide to Healing, Insight, and Love

January 2010
Free Press
Self-help
5 1/2 x 8 7/16, 224 pages
ISBN: 978-1-4165-9315-7
$23.00 / $29.99 in Canada

The New York Times bestselling author of The Hard Questions looks at the hardest part of a relationship—heartbreak—and provides a practical, steadying, compassionate plan for emerging a stronger, braver, spiritually transformed person.

he heart that is broken has been broken open,” writes Susan Piver. “When my heart was broken, it changed my life. From this most painful experience came the ability to find and appreciate lasting love.” The anguish and disappointment of a broken heart is devastating and overwhelming, but as Susan Piver reveals in The Wisdom of a Broken Heart, it can also create an opportunity for genuine spiritual transformation, paradoxically leaving one both stronger and softer—and capable of loving even more deeply than before.

Filled with on-the-spot practices, exercises, funny stories, meditations, exercises, and down-to-earth, practical advice on how to cope with day-to-day miseries, The Wisdom of a Broken Heart offers a priceless prescription of solace and encouragement, wisdom and humor. Like an infinitely patient, trusted friend, it tells its readers in a thousand different ways the most important thing to remember and the easiest to forget: “You’re going to be okay.”

Susan Piver’s bestselling books include The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say ‘I Do,’ and the award-winning How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life. A graduate of a Buddhist seminary, she wrote the relationships column for Body & Soul magazine and is a frequent guest on network television, including The Oprah Winfrey Show, Today, and The Tyra Banks Show. She lives in Boston.

“I wish I had this book to comfort and inspire me during my divorce. Susan’s writing soothes at the same time it illuminates – reading this book, my heart grew three sizes bigger. I have never read anything more helpful or wise about heartbreak. You may find yourself laughing out loud; you will certainly find yourself feeling hope again.” Jennifer Louden, author of The Woman’s Comfort Book and The Life Organizer

“Susan Piver’s new book helps turn the pain of a breakup into a deeper understanding of intimacy. She shows you how relate to your broken heart with consciousness and acceptance to find comfort, clarity, and balance, even when they seem impossible. After reading this book, you’ll know beyond a doubt that you can love again, bigger and better than ever before.” Gay Hendricks, Ph.D., Author of The Big Leap, co-author, with Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks, of Conscious Loving

“Piver has managed to perform an extraordinary task, namely, inspire a person to want to love again. She knows how to repair the shattered soul, using her personal experience as well as the wisdom of great saints, poets, and cultural elders.” Caroline Myss, author of Anatomy of the Spirit and Entering the Castle

“This is a wonderful book. Full of wisdom, humanity and humor. And it abounds with helpful exercises to turn pain into wisdom. It is helpful even if you are not (right now) sick with disappointment, betrayal or heartache.” Natalie Goldberg, author of Old Friend from Far Away and Writing Down the Bones

“Susan Piver is an ideal guide for anyone suffering from a broken heart.  Spiritually deep, funny and utterly practical, she reveals how this near universal experience can become a gateway to living and loving more fully.” Tara Brach, Author of Radical Acceptance

“The Wisdom of a Broken Heart is an achingly, beautiful, transparent window into the softest part of us, helping us make friends with the deepest part of our soul. Yet, as always, Piver, leads us from brokenness to openness without our hardly noticing. This book is a gift to anyone who knows there is some juicy aliveness at the bottom of pain and wants a way to feel whole again.” Mark Hyman, M.D., Author of Ultrawellness

“Quite beautiful, a natural read for healing. Many do not realize how much more painful divorce, the betrayal of the heart, can be than even the loss of death. Susan has done a fine job displaying how the heart’s intention can convert pain to growth, how we give birth to ourselves again and again, how we find succor from the ‘gift in the wound’”. Stephen and Ondrea Levine, Authors of Who Dies? and Embracing the Beloved

“Susan Piver understands body-wrenching, gut-busting, brain-whacking heartbreak like no one else. Even better, she writes about the power of romantic devastation with such immediacy and truthfulness that, when she offers the necessary tools for recovery and transcendence, you believe her utterly. I’d follow her advice anywhere!” Belleruth Naparstek LISW, Author of Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal and creator of the Health Journeys guided imagery audio series.

“Straight to the heart and from the heart, Susan Piver is your best friend and wisest guide.  The Wisdom of a Broken Heart is a roadmap for how to deal with all the feelings of loss, disappointment, and betrayal.  Clear, accessible, this book is for everyone.” Josh Baran, Author/Editor of The Tao of Now: Daily Wisdom from Mystics, Sages, Poets, and Saints and contributing editor to Tricycle magazine.

“Susan Piver’s book makes the mending of a broken heart into a transformative journey, guiding us toward reclaiming our center and entering into the sacred space of forgiveness.” Allyson and Alex Grey, Visionary artists

“The body has an innate ability to recover from injury, and so does the heart. Through spiritual insights and practices, Susan Piver’s new book walks you through the healing process.” Andrew Weil, M.D.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction
Exercise:  Making Friends with Heartbreak

Part One: Relax
Chapter One: How the Light Gets In
Chapter Two: Nothing Happens
Exercise: What is Going On Around Here?
Chapter Three: Depression vs. Sadness
Exercise: Include Others
Chapter Four: Completely Uncool
Exercise: Question Your Reality
Chapter Five: It is a Dark Night
Exercise: Finding Friends in the Dark
Chapter Six: Making Friends with Heartbreak
Exercise: 90-Second Clarity Exercise
Chapter Seven: Yes, You Have Lost Your Mind (But it’s Okay.)
Chapter Eight: How to Meditate
Chapter Nine: If You Accept Pain, It Cannot Hurt You
Exercise: Flashes of Meditation
Chapter Ten: Sex Might Help
Chapter Eleven: Have Faith

Part Two: See Where You Are
Chapter Twelve: Betrayal
Exercise: It Never Lasts Long
Chapter Thirteen: Of the Four Responses, One is Helpful
Chapter Fourteen: Act Like a Queen
Chapter Fifteen: Give Your Demons a Dinner Party
Chapter Sixteen: Expect Jeannie
Chapter Seventeen: Become Wrathful
Chapter Eighteen: Intensify to Let Go
Exercise: Intensify, Intensify…Let GO
Chapter Nineteen: Trump This
Chapter Twenty: Mirrors
Chapter Twenty-One: “I Forgive You”
Chapter Twenty-Two: Really Unhelpful Things
Chapter Twenty-Three: Really Untrue Things
Chapter Twenty-Four: Intimacy is Always There

Part Three: Be Where You Are
Chapter Twenty-Five: A Luminous Journey
Chapter Twenty-Six: Authenticity
Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Meaning of All These Tears
Chapter Twenty-Eight: One Sorry-Ass Bodhisattva
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Tears and Awakening
Chapter Thirty: The Practice of Loving Kindness
Chapter Thirty-One: Loving Kindness and the One who Broke Your Heart
Chapter Thirty-Two: Turning Off the Projector

Part Four: Broken Hearted to Wholehearted, A 7-Day Program

Afterword

Appendix: Resources

This is how fun…

I’m teaching a Writers’ Retreat at the beautiful Shambhala Mountain Center in CO, Oct 23-29. Come for the weekend only (Oct 23-25) or the whole thing! It is very conducive to writing. No cell phone reception, no email! Just peace, quiet, and words. This program is built for you if you’ve ever said any (or all) of the following:

I know exactly what I want to write, I just haven’t written it down yet.

I have no idea what I want to write, but I just know (hope, fear) that I am a writer.

I’ve been working on this story/chapter/article for a long time and I’m completely stuck about where it’s all going.

Every time I sit down to write, I can’t think of what to say. But I know the story is in there.

I’ve been stuck in the middle of this book/chapter/article for __ days/months/years/lifetimes and I can’t seem to get it finished.

I have a deadline approaching and I haven’t even written one word! Or I did, but I hate it.

Every time I sit down to write ________ distracts me.

I don’t have time to write!!

This 6-minute video explains what the program is like:

The Shambhala Lodge: has about 30 rooms, some private, some semi-private, some dorm rooms

Private room, private bath interior

Sacred Studies Hall: Where some programs are held

Inside a program room.

What happened? Here’s what happened.

I hated the GDE. I found that I got just as much (or as little) done as when not beating myself up–much to my chagrin (initially) and then acceptance (eventually). Here is what prevented the experiment from being a success. There were 3 factors: Natural rhythms. Other people. Increased anxiety.

1. The GDE failed to take into account that a human being has moods and instincts. Some days I was very tired and some days I had a ton of energy. On others, I was blue. Or enthusiastic. Or deeply connected within. Or not. During some time slots designated for writing, I had a tremendous need to do the laundry. Or vice versa. I could not track, predict, or command my very own self. I place this factoid in both the good and bad news categories.

2. The main failing of the GDE was that it created enormous levels of aggression towards other people. Especially the ones I really like. My husband, for example. Instead of being people I care for (or not), every single being (including my cats) became instead potential friends or enemies of the GDE. I couldn’t tell my friends and family to have their mid-life crises or muse about vacation spots only during times that were convenient for me. The people in my world needed me on their own timetable and I had no idea how to reconcile this with my needs. This requires ongoing investigation. A lifetime’s worth, I’ll warrant.

3. The GDE created enormous levels of aggression toward myself. I can’t remember a time when I liked myself less. Depending on how I spent the previous 5 minutes, the next 5 were filled with either pride or shame. Ick.

The moral? I still need, want, desire, demand of myself discipline. There is so much I want to do with this life. I just have to figure out how to relax into it because willing myself there is not it.

click on image to read entire article, which begins like this:

Sadly, and to my horror, I am divorcing. This was a 20-year partnership. My husband is a good man,
though he did travel 20 weeks a year for work. I am a 47-year-old woman whose commitment to
monogamy, at the very end, came unglued. This turn of events was a surprise.
It pisses me off for some reason I can’t quite put my finger on. Nothing whatsoever to do with ethics or values. Something to do with how a person understands their own heart and the expectations they place on the heart of another.