Great Discipline Experiment: What Happened
What happened? Here’s what happened.
I hated the GDE. I found that I got just as much (or as little) done as when not beating myself up–much to my chagrin (initially) and then acceptance (eventually). Here is what prevented the experiment from being a success. There were 3 factors: Natural rhythms. Other people. Increased anxiety.
1. The GDE failed to take into account that a human being has moods and instincts. Some days I was very tired and some days I had a ton of energy. On others, I was blue. Or enthusiastic. Or deeply connected within. Or not. During some time slots designated for writing, I had a tremendous need to do the laundry. Or vice versa. I could not track, predict, or command my very own self. I place this factoid in both the good and bad news categories.
2. The main failing of the GDE was that it created enormous levels of aggression towards other people. Especially the ones I really like. My husband, for example. Instead of being people I care for (or not), every single being (including my cats) became instead potential friends or enemies of the GDE. I couldn’t tell my friends and family to have their mid-life crises or muse about vacation spots only during times that were convenient for me. The people in my world needed me on their own timetable and I had no idea how to reconcile this with my needs. This requires ongoing investigation. A lifetime’s worth, I’ll warrant.
3. The GDE created enormous levels of aggression toward myself. I can’t remember a time when I liked myself less. Depending on how I spent the previous 5 minutes, the next 5 were filled with either pride or shame. Ick.
The moral? I still need, want, desire, demand of myself discipline. There is so much I want to do with this life. I just have to figure out how to relax into it because willing myself there is not it.
7 comments
Thanks for your honesty in your conclusions about how the discipline experiment went! I think any experiment is a success when you uncover new ideas.
Agreed… I definitely have more insight into the situation.
The Great Discipline Experiment (wherein I recalled all the things I know I should do & DO THEM) : Conclusions http://bit.ly/PhQZl
SPB! Good description, like the difference between meditating with your head and meditating with your heart.
I agree, when I set expectations for myself, I find that I get very frustrated when I can’t complete them because of things that are out of my control. I find myself very angry with ‘The World’ for getting in my way. It’s difficult to find the forgiveness to set aside your own expectations for other items on life’s agenda.
Great Discipline Experiment: What Happened — Susan Piver http://bit.ly/2lOHht
Maybe part of your own discipline isn’t the rigid schedule making that seems to cry out discipline and organization. Are you judging yourself too harshly on an arbitrary definition of what someone else thinks disciplined is?