Posts from — October 2010

Would you like to interview me for your blog?! I’d love to talk with you and support the December paperback publication of my book, “The Wisdom of a Broken Heart. Just email me!

I’m very excited about this. I hope the lower price will make it easier for people to purchase, gift, make use of. The hardcover was $23. That’s a lot! (Even though on Amazon, it was like $15 or something.) The paperback is $14 $9.45. That’s a huge difference and I’m really, really happy about it.

If you have a blog and think your readers would be interested in hearing about the themes in this book (love, attachment, spirituality, letting go, forgiveness, sadness vs depression, working with super strong emotions, opening up again, and so on), please be in touch. It doesn’t matter to me whether you have 10 or 10 zillion readers, I would love to contribute an interview, excerpt (brief, or Simon & Schuster will get mad at me), or short piece to your world. We can talk for five minutes or 3 hours. Well, maybe 1. We don’t want to exhaust ourselves.

Interviews can be done via email, phone, or some kind of videochat if you are so inclined.

The blogosphere is the living embodiment of people caring for people. We write from personal passion. We write to express ourselves honestly. We write to share what has helped us. We write to comfort, incite, teach, make art, and enhappify each other–and for myriad other reasons that do not include selling cosmetics, beer, tickets, and/or snuggies: not that there’s anything wrong with these things. But because it’s so straightforward and human, my most sought-after peeps are bloggers and their audiences. So please be in touch to arrange a conversation, either via comments below or by emailing me directly. Plus it would be fun to meet you. Meeting people and talking about intense feelings is my idea of a good time.

If you think you’d like to chat, but aren’t sure what to ask or say, we can figure it out together…

xxxS

Courtesy of The Here & Now Project.

I remember when I was 8 or 9 years old, lying on the floor of my bedroom, begging, pleading, gripping an arm to pull an invisible his ear toward me to say, Please. Make. Me. Pretty. Please. Pretty. Please. Lying there, thinking oh no, what if I’m not, what if I’m not? I don’t know where all this came from–from the ether, I suppose, the TV, the movies, music, all the venues where beautiful women were exalted, showered with love, wealth, power. Power. Power comes from beauty–for women. Now, with age, is power lost or can it finally be discovered?

Power granted isn’t actually power, is it? Power assumed, is.

Do you feel powerful today? Powerfully genuine, that is. Open. Fearless. Unapologetically passionate. Protecting and radiating your brilliance and tenderness with the power of a hundred thousand suns…that kind of power.

Turn on the pilot. Light a match. Drop it. Go. Assume the power.

PS Thanks to Danielle LaPorte and Susannah Conway for hipping me to this clip.

I’m very excited about this! Hope the lower price will make it easier for people to purchase.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about what I could do to change the world. I mean, what else could possibly be worth thinking about? The crazier the world gets, the more I feel ashamed of my personal concerns and also cling to them as particularly meaningful. Because the world is so incomprehensible, I take refuge in what I think I can control. Sometimes I become so full of despair!! I don’t need to list all the reasons to be sad and scared, we all know what they are.

When I encounter the sadness of this world, it seems like I take one of two responses, neither of which is very appealing. One, I collapse into depression and anxiety. This doesn’t seem particularly helpful. Two, I try to shut it all out and go about my business like, “well, what can I do about all this, I’m just one person and plus I’ve got problems of my own.” Similarly unhelpful, right?

So then what? How can I respond without becoming ridiculously hopeless or hopelessly self-centered?

It begins when we open our hearts. The first step is to soften and allow circumstance to touch us in a way that provokes a genuine, deeply felt response. But why would anyone want to do this? When your heart is open, after all, you could be hurt. People could manipulate you. They could fool you, trick you, take advantage of you. Plus, you can’t shut anything out, pick and choose about what will touch you. You will see the terror of this world, there is no question.

So why risk it?

Because an open heart also means this:

You can be touched and therefore you can be loved.

You are receptive to others and therefore can love.

The world can affect you and you see how much you care, so much that you are moved—quite naturally—to help.

For everyone, everyone, it is the act of helping that creates a meaningful, and therefore utterly joyful, life. Everything else is fleeting, only being of service creates meaning. That’s how it works. I have no idea why.

But before we get all martyr-y, let’s look at what “helping” actually is. It sounds like it is committing to a life of sacrifice and drudgery—but it isn’t. It’s the opposite. Committing to a life of service is committing to a life of joy.

Service looks different for everyone. We each have our unique mission of helpfulness. There is something that only you can do for this world. Do you know what it is?

It can look like showing up in Afghanistan to teach yoga to soldiers or heading to Louisiana to build new housing for flood victims.

But it can also look like being the one person in your family or workplace that everyone can turn to for advice, solace, or support.

It can look like caring for all the animals in this world—or even just one; it can be working to green the planet, or simply your own backyard.

It can look like becoming a parent, a priest, a teacher, social worker, therapist, life coach, body worker, or any other kind of being who connects directly with individuals to make their lives happier or educate them in something.

It can look like devotion to anything you take on as an art form—be it painting, writing, gardening, knitting, cooking, playing music, cutting hair, or any other work that depends on opening to inspiration and being guided by it. Your art form can be leading an organization, heading a department, practicing law or waitressing or accounting. It’s all in the way you open to it.

It can look like practicing the art of any science to the depth of your capacity, whether it’s medicine, astronomy, software development, engineering, architecture, and so on and so on.

And so on.

The amazing thing is this: What you do that turns out to be most helpful for others is also your unique gift. It is. What you do to help is synonymous with discovering your gift and thus it is your path. And, as we know, whether it’s been a good or a bad day, when you’re on your path, you are joyful. Engaged. Authentic. Open.

So be yourself. Be who you really, truly, deeply are and that will turn out to be the best possible thing for this world. Try to start right now.

It all starts (and ends) with being open. Being open is a powerful, advanced, and very subtle skill. It is not for the weak of heart. More on that later.

For now, ask yourself: What opens my heart? Pay attention throughout your day to what touches you and what shuts you down. What does it feel like or how do your thoughts change when your heart is open? When it slams shut? Don’t try to change anything at first…just notice. You will figure it out. And in the meantime, contemplate these:

The 7 Signs of Openheartedness*

1. You see the sadness. You cry a lot and it’s kind of OK.
2. You see the humor. You laugh a lot. You know how and when to make others laugh without pissing them off, even when the matter at hand is quite serious.
3. The sorrow of other people touches you. So does their joy.
4. Inspiration knows how to find you and you are not a stranger to enthusiasm.
5. You are polite to everyone yet are not a doormat.
6. You feel what you feel without shame (“I suck”) or aggression (“I deserve to feel this”).
7. You reek of genuine genuineness. (As opposed to the staged variety.)

*The number 7 is arbitrary…feel free to add to this list.

Opening your heart changes the world.

Here is a recording of a talk I gave this past February at the Victoria Shambhala Center. It’s about, well, the wisdom contained in heartbreak. It’s an altered state. Could even be considered an altered state of grace, depending on how you view it.

The first 17 minutes are meditation instruction, so if you want to go right to the talk, skip ahead.

Questions, comments, insights, stories–please post!

Please share this amazing, straightforward, moving PSA from the beloved Tim Gunn. Pass it along to any at-risk teens or families who may be struggling with issues of sexuality or gender. The Trevor Project is a suicide hotline that is there to help. 866 488 7386

We love you. We care.

We all love Pema Chodron. Her books, including “The Places That Scare You” and “When Things Fall Apart” have helped countless people meet the most difficult situations of their lives—things that seem absolutely untenable—with gentleness, intelligence, and compassion. Her message of open heartedness in the face of the truth of impermanence is absolutely uncompromising.

Pema rarely teaches public programs. Next week, October 15 – 17, she is teaching one such infrequent workshop. This 3-day retreat, “Smile at Fear,”  (taking place in California) is sold out, but you can attend online. You can participate in the program in “real time” or whenever you want. Here are the full details. The cost is only $59.95, which is pretty amazing.

I’m thrilled to be giving away 2 subscriptions. They’ll go to the first two people to correctly answer this question:

Who is Pema Chodron’s root teacher?

NO MORE ANSWERS! 2 PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY WON. But you can still sign up here. $10 off!

fear.less is an awesome online magazine. I’m on the cover of the current issue! Check them out and get on their mailing list for really inspiring and completely down-to-earth stories on becoming fearless.