On Compassion and Enemies
TweetOn Monday, I wrote a little about my response to Osama bin Laden’s killing. Upon hearing of his death, most people expressed heartfelt and understandable relief that our hunt for one who wished to destroy us was over. Others participated in “celebrations” that seemed tinged with what could be described kindly as poor sportsmanship. The question I was trying to raise was this: if we must kill (as in this case), is there a way to do so that will increase chances for peace (which is why we did it in the first place) rather than violence?
People showed up on my blog who were quite pissed off at me for being arrogant, judgmental, delusional, and/or some kind of pussy. This confused and hurt me.
What I was calling for—and will continue to call for, most of all from myself—is compassion: certainly for those who lost loved ones on 9/11 and for our whole country which has suffered deeply, but also for our “enemies.” This is not because I’m some super nice kind of person. It’s because only by cultivating some kind of empathy rather than hatred can we begin to create lasting change in our world. Escalating violence and retaliation do not lead to peace. I’m a realist.
On a scale of 1 to 10, my certainty on this score is 11.
Compassion is rooted in seeing others as similar to ourselves, in removing any and all ideas that there is an “us” and a “them.” There is only us.
But how do you do that for someone who wants to kill you? Is it even a good idea? Some commenters have said things like well, when cornered by a rabid dog, you don’t want to say, “please don’t hurt me” and hope for the best; that I’m incredibly naïve and probably some kind of Mac user. (Really, that was one of the accusations.) (How did they know?!)
Of course we want to protect ourselves from violence and danger. Please stop igniting all of my neuroses from childhood by talking to me as if I’m stupid. That turns me into a rabid dog.
So, I’m not counseling stupidity. I’m not counseling what has been called “idiot compassion,” which is the idea that you’re always supposed to act nice and be some kind of touchy-feely asshat.
In Buddhist thought, compassion is synonymous with skillful action, action that is rooted in seeing reality from the largest perspective possible. When you are able to pay attention to the reality that exists beyond your thoughts about reality, you know what the next right action is. If you need to love, you love. If you need to avoid, you avoid. If you need to cut, you cut. There is a sense of precision and elegance and kindness in all cases.
To do this, you put aside your assumptions, judgments, and projections…and simply look. You open, even to what and whom you dislike. This doesn’t mean forgiving or liking anyone–it simply means taking them in as flesh-and-blood human beings, not as cardboard cut-outs who have no reality beyond your judgment. You let go of concepts, again and again. You give up what makes you feel safe, secure, right in order to do this. It is an act of extreme courage.
True compassion is a profound skill, one that has much more in common with fierceness than softness. Compassion arises when you allow someone else’s pain into your own heart without a personal agenda. This is what so many of us are terrified of doing, and understandably so. To view our “enemy” as part of the human family rather than a scourge to be obliterated means we have to take on their pain as our own and most of us are already full up on that score. Nonetheless, we must do it anyway. It requires fearlessness and and a sense of genuine power, and is not, as a few characterized it, some kind of lefty do-good politically correct emasculating bullshit.
The stumbling block for many of us is that we haven’t learned how to have compassion for ourselves. The idea of extending it to others then causes resentment, anger.
This is where the work begins: by opening to your own experience with kindness.
Forget for the moment about political strategies, ethical systems, or whether or not you’re acting like an asshat. We can begin much more simply than that, by cultivating some tenderness toward ourselves. From here, open-heartedness blossoms naturally.
Thus the practice of meditation—which is the act of sitting with yourself exactly as you are—is the foundation for cultivating intelligent compassion.
If you would like to try meditation, please do. You can find instruction in the video below.
Please remember: If we open our hearts, we can change the world. The truth is that there actually is no other way.
OK, now call me an asshat. It’s my new favorite word.
71 comments
Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you for saying this all so well.
Hi Susan, your post yesterday (and today) was so valuable and it brought a lot of comfort to my being – knowing that there are thinking people in the world who are courageous enough to ask questions of themselves and do some deeper analysis. I also think you are a very wise and lovely woman. Thank you for sharing this space.
Thank you, EB!
I am trying to repeat this mantra i have just read:
*By divine decree, in the name of God I now call forth a pure white columnn of Christ Light to bring the unconditiional love of Christ consciousness to Earth. It is done.*
You have to repeat it three times!
In Love, Light and Gratitude.
Yes! You put it beautifully, with an opportunity for introspection and spiritual growth to come out of that decision. Our President shares the same message in a succint and secular way: We don’t have to spike the football.
Thank you for your insight and your loving courage.
I am moved by both today’s post and yesterdays. I’ll glady join the asshat group and I’m not even a mac user!
You’re right on with all this. Being a leader is never easy..but it changes the world. Thanks for making my everyday thoughts a public forum !!
Susan,
I agree with everything you said, yesterday and today. I think a big part of the disconnect is that people who have traveled some down the Buddhist path have a very different understanding of what the term “compassion” means than those who simply assume it means offering your head to the nearest executioner.
My experience has been that any awareness that arises out of a meditation practice leads inexorably and organically to a deep identification with other people. This is the wellspring from which true compassion springs. Self as other, other as self. It isn’t something that you can turn off and on depending on who the other person happens to be. It just *is* that way. Anyway, My 2 cents.
Mark
thank you, susan, for sharing your thoughts yesterday and today in particular. having just watched HH the Dalai Lama with Amnesty International on live feed, your words and his presence have softened my feelings of discomfort over our collective behavior since the killing of obl and those close to him. i have forwarded your two days of blogs to many family and loved ones. their responses are similar ~ distress with our celebratory, cruel and inane activities since the killings. living in reality and searching deeply for intelligent knowledge and wisdom from inside with compassionate tenderness for ourselves and all living creatures is the most courageous beginning. i believe only from this can we open our hearts and go inside to find a path toward compassionate action, empathy and peace. thank you all for being involved.
Susan, I wrote the below upon hearing of Bin Laden’s death, then found your post, added mine to yours, and emailed the whole thing to my entire family. I got many many many positive responses to what you said. What you said was/is right on the money. Thanks for having the courage and compassion to speak out. FYI, another good word is “assCLOWN.” Give it a try.
~Alexia
“This (Susan Piver’s post “One Buddhist’s Response”) is EXACTLY how I felt this morning, and I was there on 9/11. Smoke and human remains-filled ash flew into my Brooklyn apt windows. On that day the weather was still warm enough to have the windows open. On that day, if I hadn’t decided to work from home for only the 2nd time in my whole life, I would very likely have been trapped underground on the 2/3 train as it headed near the Trade Center on it’s way uptown. All the trains were fine on that day, but Mom and Dad and all of you wouldn’t have known where I was until hours later, and then only if I had been able to get a cell signal out. On that day, by 9:30am, cell service was barraged and many many many calls didn’t get through until the afternoon.
When I heard the news this morning I burst out crying. Not for Bin Laden, but for our country and all those who celebrate(d) his death. It’s a sad day when anyone rejoices over the death of another. I also cried because all of the stresses of that day, and the many many months afterward for NYC, were so hard and changed us so much and were called back by this news of today.
I’m glad I’m alive, and I’m glad he’s dead. I just don’t think we (or anyone) has to gloat. That’s not honorable.
Much love, and thanks for reading,
Alexia”
Alexia, your words touch me so deeply. Thank you so much. I’m so glad to know you. And I feel exactly as you do–glad I’m alive, glad he’s dead, and repulsed by gloating. Or, as our President said, there is no need for “spiking the ball.”
hi susan–
i’m a new follower of yours as of yesterday, when a friend shared your post on his facebook yesterday. i have so much admiration for what you said–and how you said it. it’s exactly what i’m feeling, thinking and wrestling with, but you were able to put it into words, which was such a delight to read! despite the comments you received, please know that there are many of us who appreciate what you said, and appreciate you for saying it. thank you for adding your thoughts to the frenzy, and offering up a different option to the public than the knee-jerk reaction that seems prevalent. compassion requires more work from us, but work is what peace requires to become a reality.
Very nice to know you, Laura. And grateful for the encouragement.
Thank you for this wisdom, Wise Asshat !
Love is the answer to every question. This I know.
You have put it so perfectly here.
Lght and love to you.
I’m the wise asshat! I love that.
Susan, this piece was even more brilliant and moving than yesterday’s. Yes, yes, YES. Thank you.
For those of us who are honest, we all struggle with practicing universal compassion (just think of how some people treat their own families!) whether it’s with neighbors or strangers.
I’ve printed out both of these pieces and will continue to refer to them as needed to remind myself of the real meaning of compassion and of right thinking and right action.
My hope is that some of those who have come here to dump on you (rather than disagree, which is a totally different thing, IMHO) would open themselves up and really LISTEN and hear what you are saying.
Namaste! Thank you for your courage and bravery in saying what you have posted here these last two days. People need to hear it and open themselves up.
Beautiful. You’ve taken a great deal of care to express exactly what many of us have been feeling. Call me crazy, but I’ve felt compassion for Bin Laden too, as a powerful human who wanted to change the world, but in a destructive way. Woah! Does that make me an Asshat? Happy to join the club.
I like it when a Buddhist writes the word pussy. In fact, it’s the only time I like it. It reminds me of when the Dalai Lama said, ‘fuck it’ in a talk he gave in my city a few years back. I think it went something like this: ‘If anybody here doesn’t agree with me, then fuck it, I’m getting on a plane tomorrow anyway.’ And then he started giggling.
Your words were incredibly smart, genuine, and a strong limb for me to cling to on an emotionally blustery day. Thank you.
And I didn’t think it was possible to love The Dalai Lama more.
So glad you have such a great sense of humor!
I think you captured the essence of what a loaded word compassion can be, especially when emotions run so high as they are over OBL or the Washington Capitals (Damn you Ovechkin!). So often one side of a debate will demonize the other side by generalizing their position to the extreme, when it is almost never the case. I think it’s human nature to want others to feel the way we do, about things we are very passionate about. Compassion can be saving a starving kitten or feeding the homeless; it can also be putting a mortally wounded animal out of its misery on the side of the road or using the word asshat to demonstrate a point.
Thank you for this post! (ps OK I promise, no more sophomoric humor posts from me) hehe no…no I don’t promise.
“OK I promise, no more sophomoric humor posts from me”
Sir, you disappoint me.
No wait, you took it back. Phew.
I’m currently on the other side of the planet (hello from Australia) watching all of this unfold back home, and your words have been a soothing balm for me. Thank you for bringing much needed clarity, compassion and understanding to the discussion… and for reminding me how much fun it is to say the word “asshat” out loud. And by the way, I’m a Mac user too and I also hug trees – add that to the list.
Namaste!
Hey Mac-using Asshat!
Your messages are spot-on, Susan. I appreciate your take on the death of OBL and the craziness of people celebrating his death. As a “freelance” Buddhist, i.e., no formal teacher (yet), your words have meant a great deal to me.
Thank you…and keep up the good work.
oh my goodness, SOOOO well-put. especially the part about how having compassion for yourself is the first step towards developing real compassion for others. and that this is developed through mindfulness. you have articulated so many things i’ve been thinking, so clearly!!!
i wanted to provide you with a quotation from the tao te ching that offers an answer to your question, “if we must kill (as in this case), is there a way to do so that will increase chances for peace (which is why we did it in the first place) rather than violence?”
the short, pithy summary quote: “a victory must be observed like a funeral.”
here’s the longer passage:
“Weapons are the tools of violence;
all decent men detest them.
Weapons are the tools of fear;
a decent man will avoid them except in the direst necessity and, if compelled, will use them only with the utmost restraint.
Peace is his highest value.
If the peace has been shattered, how can he be content?
His enemies are not demons, but human beings like himself.
He doesn’t wish them personal harm.
Nor does he rejoice in victory.
How could he rejoice in victory and delight in the slaughter of men?
He enters a battle gravely, with sorrow and with great compassion, as if he were attending a funeral.”
. . .
“On happy occasions precedence is given to the left, On sad occasions to the right.
In the army the general stands on the left, The commander-in-chief on the right.
This means that war is conducted like a funeral.
When many people are being killed, They should be mourned in heartfelt sorrow.
That is why a victory must be observed like a funeral.”
I love the word asshat!
Thank you again for putting into words something I was having trouble expressing. I’m incredibly grateful for your words and bringing some clarity to this complicated situation.
a: I am so grateful to have these quotes. Thank you so much. Will read and reread. Susan
And Diana Lee; you’re welcome! And thanks for sharing sentiments–
Your words are so soothing and remind me how much of a “warrior” we have to be to reach down and touch our compassion for all, even those who wish to do us harm. They, and ones who merely annoy us, can be our greatest teachers.
suzanne, thank you for your words. you are teaching me.
Susan, I posted your monday blog on my 2 FB pages and here are some of the responses. I am sending you them so you know that your words spoke to us on so many levels. I have also been ripped apart for some of my beliefs and one time it stopped me from writing for 2 weeks and then I came back even better and with the courage of my convictions in tact. my next blog was titled: When being Harassed becomes a Pain in the Ass.
Your words need to get out there. You are changing the world for the better. I hope these will help you feel better. elizabeth
some of the responses I got:
i can totally relate, cassidy, because i often feel persecuted for being a pacifist. i, too, was worried because it’s so easy for things to become misconstrued. but i don’t think we should be afraid to be who we are: peace-loving treehugger…
All political views aside, I went to her web page and she is amazing. The bin laden post is very good, but her views and writings on life brought a calm over me. Thanks Elizabeth for posting this and getting me to her web/blog.
Very thoughtful piece, and loved her website. I felt exactly the same way when I heard the news. Glad it’s over, but what was all that jubilation stuff!! It only signifies the passing of a man whose life was dedicated to hatred. Unfortunately, it will leave a lot of aggrieved people who know doubt will look for their own vengeance.
i felt somber by the news, actually and saddened by the joyous reactions here. i don’t mean to judge those who’ve lost loved ones. as susan so wisely states, “When we hate, we cause hate. When we think we have won by vanquishing our enemy, we have lost.” she is a kind and wise woman and i too, enjoy her blog.
Thank you, Susan, for this courageous discussion. I’ve found myself musing a lot about the notion of “asshat” today. I think it’s quite relevant here because it’s suggestive of the Jungian concept of shadow. Many of us are familiar with Jung’s belief that “we do not become enlightened by pursuing images of light, but by bringing awareness into the dark.” It seems to me that asshat —having our heads up our butts — can have two distinct meanings. It is most commonly about avoidance, blindness or denial. But it can also be suggestive of a conscious attempt to examine our own shit. Maybe the spiritual equivalent of a colonoscopy — and just about as comfortable. One thing I appreciate about your work, Susan, is that its not mired in sweetness and light, but acknowledges shadow. I believe the willingness to acknowledge darkness in a non-judgmental way in both others and ourselves, is essential and very humbling. I like the word asshat, too. I wonder if it might inspire a new yoga posture.
I am so glad for your voice of compassion, for your thoughtful heartfelt reflection and sharing. Despite the MLK and Dalai Lama quotes, there aren’t yet enough voices like yours to norm this stance in the world, so the resistance you experienced comes as no surprise. People in fear don’t know any other response but attack and defend. I’m so thankful for your willingness to model another way. Namaste.
Thank you so much for both of these posts. The first one really helped me sort out some of my conflicting feelings. And, the second one made me smile because I can relate to a lot of the confusion over compassion that you have been facing. I work in the defense business and am surrounded by people who have an equally hard time understanding how compassion really works like some of your readers. Humor always helps!
Thank you for the thoughtful posts yesterday and today. Somehow it is easier to recall the sting of criticism, so I hope you “feel the love” of those who can relate to what you have said. I keep in mind the long historical view of how the US began it’s relationship with OBL & the Taliban in 1980’s. The enemy of my enemy does not always end up being my friend. Hundreds of thousands of people have died, among them Afghans, Pakistanis, Iraqis, Soviets, Americans and one person named Osama bin Laden. If the use of skillful means:meditation, compassion, lovingkindness, wisdom can prevent the deaths of more people I’m all for it.
I’m going to start using Asshat too!
I am sorry you felt you had to defend yourself after your Monday posting. I work for the federal government, have traveled to Afghanistan, and for a period of time was involved in the search for bin Laden. I thought what you wrote was just right, and I sent it off to others (although I did replace the word “Buddhist” with “Christian,” because those to whom I sent it would have discounted it coming from a Buddhist perspective, when in reality the sentiments you expressed were similar in kind to what I believe Jesus would say). Too many Christians today, especially those on America’s political right wing, seem to believe that Jesus came with a sword. Most of those to whom I sent it thought it was great. Of course, these weren’t people who were cheering on Sunday night at the White House. We live in a climate of hatred and fear, and while bin Laden helped instigate those attacks, it was our response to them that has created that climate. In such a climate and soil, it is hard for words like those you wrote to take root. But you were right to have written them. They are true, even if unpopular.
You guys are sweet, but this has been the hope of many for as long as mankind has walked the earth. Not going to happen. In this case, Bin Laden was responsible for the death of untold thousands of people. He was an international mass murderer subject to arrest. After 10 years on the lam he was found and died in a fire fight during which American soldiers risked their lives in trying to capture him. If someone broke into Susan’s house tonight and killed her I assume we would all agree that the criminal should be captured. If cornered by the police in a warehouse and if he resisted arrest, I further assume we would agree that the police would be justified in returning fire and if the perpetrator was killed in the fire fight, well, as my father used to say, “that’s the too bad department.” The young people who danced in front of the white house are just that, young and impressionable. They acted in a silly but understandable way. As for me, I agree with Mark Twain, “I have never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.”
Ah I love your style and vocab (reminds me slightly of my own edginess) but most of all thanks for this post eloquently and very completely explaining compassion and “right action”.
We live in such a reactionary society in which 90% of people don’t spend even a minute a week getting centered, coming out of their thoughts and into their hearts (let alone meditating) that it’s no wonder what appear to be a majority reacted on Monday, and generally react, as they do. Is there any hope they are remotely equipped for “right action”?
In today’s first world societies of instant gratification, constant motion and no time to feel or slow down, its’ never been so important to teach how to be still, go deep and reconnect to our true essence in ways that I think used to spontaneously happen in life. Now we must intentionally create those ways, but without them we run the risk of allowing shallow ego-driven reactionism to rule the day.
Susan, thank you & thank you again for your voice of sanity in both postings. I’ve told a few people why I felt badly that some found this death cause for partying but did not succeed in changing their view. Perhaps if they took a few minutes to read and reflect on your wise thoughts, it might help. I will keep trying, and hoping…
Susan, I’m sorry you were attacked for your compassioate writing. A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post saying that I chose to practice compassion for Greg Mortenson and one of the commentors told me that was “disgusting” and that he was horrified that I would justify or defend Mortenson.
Now, obviously I’m not comparing Greg Mortenson to Osama Bin Laden (poor Greg has been through more than enough lately without that) but I think my commentator and some of yours have mistaken compassion for justification or even condoning someone. I wrote at the time a little of how I felt compassion was different from both those things but your post today does a much better job of it.
As a Buddhist I have committed to the practice of cultivating compassion as a spiritual path back to my truest self. It’s a practice of opening into myself and has nothing to do with judging or approving of the object of my compassion. Thank you for writing so passionately and clearly about this.
PS: I have no idea what an asshat is, but it sounds kind of cute and fashionable to me, no?
Also Seth – thank you. Your comment really touched me. As a Buddhist raised in a Christian home by parents who really do try to practice the compassionate path modeled by Christ and as someone who worked in Afghanistan as well, I really appreciate your perspective. Thanks for sharing it.
I’m very sorry to see that you were hurt by some comments. You are trying to do some good in the world. That’s the important thing. You’re one of the good guys (make that gals!)
Nils, I appreciate you taking the time to comment, but you miss my point altogether.
The point that led me to comment your initial article (mainly with FB friends, as for some reason the ID site didn’t accept my comment) is present here also: I can’t understand how you’re so sure that killing was needed even in this case. I mean: I tend to agree or at least praise the opportunity for reflection you offer.
But I think that presenting something as controversial as the killing of OBL, planned as a “killing operation” (it’s been reported that it was never considered the possibility of capturing/judging OBL, it’s been an operation planned since its inception as a “killing operation), through a non authorized operation in a foreign and sovereign country, as needed, conceding it’s “legitimate”, and saying this is “clear”, is “sure” (you did this in your first article) is, in my view, clearly ideological.
It’s said that ideology operates through the mixing of reflected, considered topics, common sense and controversial topics, in a way that controversial topics seems “natural”.
Presenting killing as (clearly, surely) legitimate as part of a planned state policy, in spite of another sovereign country, and in spite of all the accepted world legislation on war crimes and all is what, for me, makes your text there and here seem rather ideological. US interests are above any law. US can do whatever it’s best in spite of other countries, people or beliefs.
if i had to be the one to pull the trigger, i would have done it, possibly more than once. and i would not regret it, i might even be proud. but i would not, i don’t think, be celebrating.
i think calling someone arrogant- because they don’t condone the celebrating of bin laden’s desk- itself, arrogant, as well as reactionary. check out this article in the post: (hyperlink at the end of this paragraph) and read about the reactions of four people who lost family members when the trade towers were attacked, including 7 year old aidan fontana. these people aren’t arrogant, or unamerican. and they aren’t celebrating. neither was the notably anonymous afghani man interviewed on the radio the day after bin laden’s death, saying he was glad this evil man was captured, but he wasn’t celebrating the death of anyone.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/when-does-satisfaction-become-gloating-some-americans-uneasy-with-bin-laden-celebrations/2011/05/04/AFJm0frF_story.html
when i woke up, half awake, to the radio announcing bin laden had been killed the night before, my immediate reaction was, in that sleepy state, relief. i grabbed the bedpost of the bed i was also sleeping in the morning of september 11th, like it was a friend in a raft that had finally touched shore. no, this wasn’t rational, but neither was my reaction later that day, after being inundated with news of his death all day long, when i caught myself making some sarcastic comment in conversation to the effect of, “bloody good riddance!”
the point is not what is rational or irrational, right or wrong. the point is what is human. we can observe and master our negative reactions to things, including those that lead to peace, including those that lead to more violence, and including those that lead to intelligent work to stop people like bin laden from gaining power and influence in the first place.
“The point is what is human.” I couldn’t agree more, Nicole.
PS~ i am also an asshat and a mac user.
Susan, how so? It’s a messy world and there will need to be enforcement of rules of behavior against criminals. This sometimes will result in violence. If violence occurs as a result of what the criminal has done, then, in a sense, it’s a form of karmic retribution. I understand that the USA “contributed” in many ways, known and unknown, to the very creation of the Bin Laden persona and myth, so we are all responsible for his life and death. I really just can’t get too upset about it, although I am very glad that there is a certain portion of the population like you guys who are. Again, you are sweet. You are like a bunch of lovely flowers decorating a field. You add to life. I just don’t want you all to be on the police force.
Nils, I appreciate that you think I’m sweet, but that is not the case.
My post is not in any way about the necessity of enforcing rules of behavior. I think that killing Osama bin Laden was probably the right thing to do. I can’t say “definitely”‘ because I wasn’t there. But, according to what I read and gather, it was inevitable and has provided a very real sense of relief to millions, including me. I am not, not, not upset about his death. This is where you misread me.
What I am upset about is our collective inability to think of others as similar to ourselves and to see our victory not as a winning touchdown but as a regrettable necessity that, while understandably bringing us relief, causes others fear and rage. If we are to be true victors, it will be by demonstrating our humility, not our immaturity. It will be by acting boldly and doubtlessly to neutralize enemies by peaceful means when possible and, certainly, non-peaceful means only as a final resort and as an act of compassion for those who suffer, including the perpetrator. I want those who defend me to be the wisest among us, capable of understanding when compassion is best expressed as dialog and when, on those rarest of occasions, it is best expressed by a gunshot. That’s who I want on my police force.
“Compassion is rooted in seeing others as similar to ourselves, in removing any and all ideas that there is an “us” and a “them.” There is only us.”
I’m with on being an “11″ on this one.
When I was in 5th grade, for our Civics class (remember those?!) our teacher, Sister Celestine, had us pretend that we were arguing a case in front of the Supreme Court. As I recall, it might have been on affirmative action. She gave us all the facts, found out what side we thought we were on, and then she made a brilliant move. She had us argue for the opposing side of the case. I’ll never forget that — it was an exercise in developing empathy and compassion (though she never described it that way).
I think that Martin Luther King, Jr., said something similar — in order to truly be an effective social change agent, you must deeply understand what it is your opponent believes in and values. It certainly was the basis for his whole life.
No “them, no “we,” only us.
I love that, Maia.
PS – have you ever noticed how hatred begins. Watch your reaction to what I have written and consider.
Yes, I try to notice all the time!! Was I being hateful? If so, please accept my apology. I was just trying to explain myself, not malign you. If you could explain my misstep, I’d appreciate it.
Peace to all who visit this web site. I am not a Buddhist. I am spiritual. I am an ex-psuedo macho man. I have worked with the government in a capacity that most of the males and females displayed a macho mentality. It is part of my sordid past. Today I strive to maintain as much peace towards all humanity. I am at the baby step stage. Very fragile but walking it a spiritual path toward peace, love and kindness. Sue I came across your web site during a tough emotional struggle in my life about a month ago. Thank you little sister for your wisdom. Peace, love and kindness to all!
I am dismayed how so many people miss the point of this web site. To me this is a web site about the development of a spiritual path. One of the paths that could help in a unity growth of humanity. I am through with violence. Can I be triggered YES! But I no longer want it to be part of my life. I have seen the the ugly side. The debate about OBL I can take a stand on both sides. I still struggle in my walk to be peaceful. The whole concept of being a pacifist is hard for me to swallow, but I have to at least try to endeavor to make my little spot of earth better for us all. We have to start somewhere. Lets start from within. Peace, love, kindness.
John, thank you so much for your words.
Thank you for your honest responce to this act. I find it difficult in this day and time to express to people that anger and vengefulness is not the answer to making a difficult situation better. Peace is always the answer, peace from a state of unconditional love………I am not a Buddhist but a very spiritual person who has lived at times with very angry people and I have learned that at some point in time living with this type of behavior leads to the same behavior. I have choosen Peace for myself and to teach it to my family, freinds and co-workers. Upon hearing of this act on our enemy, I was confused because everyone seemed to be relieved, however I felt completely distressed and sad. What is next, is the thought that came to mind. My grandmother and elders who inspired me growing up used to say this to me “Two wrongs DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT!” Such a simple thought! With that thought I remain……..Did he need to be punished for his acts on the US? Well yes I agree he need not be left to live as if he did nothing wrong, however is the way we went about correcting his wrong going to be for the betterment of the US or is it going to create continued violence? That of course we will have to live out to know for sure. I think anyone reading this blog should remain peaceful and know that we had no part in the decision making around what was done but we do have the ability to continue to grow Peace amongst all people by not continuing to act out violent thoughts or actions. I am grateful for people Such as Susan Pivers for being bold enough to state her feelings and opinions. If anyone does not agree then those of us who support her type of thinking should only work to continue to grow Peaceful Attitudes in ourselves and others and work to overcome and influence non-violent actions and the thought that war is the only way to peace! Thank You Susan! Please find the strength to continue your work and know that there are many of us who appreciate your faith and belief in Peace and Unconditional Love!!
Susan, you’re 100% right about our needing to be compassionate for ourselves and for our enemies, and to struggle not to differentiate between us and them.
In a narrowly military understanding, we cannot overcome our enemy if we do not understand him. We have known this for more than 2300 years–”Know the enemy and know thyself / Then victory is not in danger”–and it still underpins successful counterinsurgency strategies today. Understanding and compassion (and love) are more effective than bullets to win hearts and minds. Most senior U.S. military leaders know this now, both from studying the Sun Tzu and from experience.
In a broader sense, I am surprised that people would react so strongly to your radical suggestion to love thy enemy. After all, that radical Mac user Jesus used to say such wimpy things like “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use and persecute you.” The New Testament part of the Bible is full of ‘lefty do-good politically correct emasculating’ stuff like that, which many modern Christians like to ignore. As Ghandhi said, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” We should not be surprised to encounter animosity when expressing a theme that’s common to both Buddhism and Christianity.
I guess being called an ‘asshat’ and Mac user because you reminded people not to get tied up in hatred and vengeance puts you in good company!
Reading this blog makes me re-think about how to approach a love one who I’ve failed to communicate with a whole new different way. “You let go of concepts, again and again” is what I appreciate the most. Thanks for sharing, Susan.
I must confess I have been feeling really sad at the celebrations of death that I have been witnessing. I do understand the anger that those who survived 9/11 or lost someone there must have felt all these years but, to be honest, I do notthink justice has been served. Vengeance has. But Justice involves, I believe, acting differently: a trial and a conviction.
I find deeply disturbing that someone may consider the execution of someone in front of his children, however wicked and evil that person may have been, to be justified. And I am deeply, deeply saddened and worried by the fact that this supposed “achievement” is bringing people to justify torture. Gandhi said it better : an eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind.
Or as Disney’s Rapunzel would scream: Find your humanity! (I have 2 1/2 year old twins, so lately my quotes have been influenced by cartoons
Sometimes (actually often) situations present trade-offs and dilemmas, in which whatever action is picked will lead to at least someone’s suffering. In these cases love and compassion may be necessary conditions (and welcome) but they are never sufficient conditions. That is, they can’t serve as guiding principles to deal with the situation and make the difficult choices: something more is needed. Like you said “I don’t really know”. Wrong answer! Running or hiding away is not an option .
Of course, Someone can just ignore all the key issues of a situation and rely on magical thinking instead, that somehow we just need to be open (whatever that ACTUALLY means) and the right/perfect decision will pop up.
“In Buddhist thought, compassion is synonymous with skillful action, action that is rooted in seeing reality from the largest perspective possible. When you are able to pay attention to the reality that exists beyond your thoughts about reality, you know what the next right action is. If you need to love, you love. If you need to avoid, you avoid. If you need to cut, you cut. There is a sense of precision and elegance and kindness in all cases.
To do this, you put aside your assumptions, judgments, and projections…and simply look. You open, even to what and whom you dislike. This doesn’t mean forgiving or liking anyone–it simply means taking them in as flesh-and-blood human beings, not as cardboard cut-outs who have no reality beyond your judgment. You let go of concepts, again and again. You give up what makes you feel safe, secure, right in order to do this. It is an act of extreme courage.”
I also find your magical thinking hypocritical. Your life would not be what it is right now without a large group people actually implicitly doing the “us vs them” on your behalf. You can’t separate your life from theirs and the direct influences their actions have on the conditions that will feed your own actions. Or may you can … partially by telling yourself simplistic stories …
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We are all in this together. For those who have never travelled to the Middle East and spent time with the people I can assure you we have much in common with them. I am a firm believer in the possibility of real peace as opposed to the illusive dream offered by the Mac users. (That is too funny.) Rarely ever addressed, however, is the simple fact that there is no profit in peace. You can provide all of the soulful and intellectual analysis you wish (all of which makes perfectly good sense) but as one young woman who works for a defense contractor in Afghanistan put it, “I know what we are doing is killing people but I need the job.” More importantly on a political and economic level the corporation she works for needs the profit. In our society peace will always come out second best in a contest with profit. ALWAYS. The power of love is greatly challenged by the power of North American greed. I understand how Susan feels regarding the comments recieved from many. If there is an “us and them” perhaps it may be more appropriate to look at it as “us” being the 99.99999% of the world’s population and “them” as being those who profit from the insanity.
It would be nice if love did make the world go ’round. But if you shut your television off and go out into the world to find the truth you may discover than love faces some pretty stiff competition from weapons, oil and drugs. And the power brokers on Wall Street and in Washington are playing those hands. Ironically the only thing that can change it is awareness of the truth (you will not find the truth on television) and a willingness to love each other, including our brothers in the Middle East.
In comment 57 we find this:
“I also find your magical thinking hypocritical. Your life would not be what it is right now without a large group people actually implicitly doing the “us vs them” on your behalf.”
Their is also, in comment 57, a reference to “simplistic stories”. What “us vs. them” is being done on our behalf exactly? If you’re talking about the murder of Osama Bin Laden, I’ll say this: it benefits no-one. Al Queda still exists. It would be the same as throwing him in jail for life. If we did that instead, we would have not upset his innocent wife with the sight of blood and gore, and he would be rendered harmless anyway.
Isn’t all of what happened just cause and effect, in the long run? Don’t we have a certain level of responsibility for all the things that happen around us? So, their is no excuse for the comfort of cynical attitudes towards spirtituality- because a false sense of superiority is all that comment 57 shows. Not insight at all.
Nice thoughts, Susan — I appreciate the nuances you’re exploring here. And fwiw, even if we don’t agree 100%, I don’t think you’re an asshat or pussy (potty-mouth, perhaps, but that would be the pot calling the kettle black – lol!), even if you do tacitly admit to Mac usage. (grin)
@Tuigen ~ A little background before I respond: I work in Corrections, specifically in Restorative Justice, so this is something I have spent a lot of time thinking about and exploring, and it’s something about which I care a great deal. I swim in a sea of people, every day, whose job it is to explore better ways of dealing with those who violate our laws and who do harm, or threaten to do harm, to others (be it psychologically, financially, or physically) and who damage or steal the property of others, so there is a lot that I have learned sort of by osmosis but can’t always put into words. I say all this not to position myself as some kind of “Authoritah” but rather to give you a sense of my general orientation. I am a peacemaker and healer at heart. My whole capstone project for my Master’s degree in Mediation centered on applying restorative practices to juvenile victims of domestic abuse who kill their abusers (instead of sending them to prison as we commonly do today).
The unfortunate fact is that, in essence, there IS an “us” and a “them” out there. I generally break it down this way:
“US” is made up of people who are capable of compassion, who feel remorse when we hurt others or do something else we know was wrong, who try to be good even if we often fail, who make it a priority, at a very minimum, to avoid infringing on the rights, health, property, safety, etc. of others, and who, ideally, reach out to others with caring, patience, respect, and a desire to give of ourselves.
“THEM” is made up of a (fortunately very limited) subset of people who are not generally capable of compassion, who feel no remorse when they hurt others or do something they know to be wrong, who don’t generally even know what “good” looks like let alone how to try to become it, and who don’t particularly care whether or not they infringe on the rights, health, property, safety, etc. of others, and who may appear to reach out to other with caring, etc. but usually only do so when it serves their own self-centered agenda.
These people we generally call sociopaths. They are defined by their lack of remorse for the harm they have done and their ruthlessness in executing their agenda. As a rule they are unreachable as far as treatment for their mental illness goes.
Why?
You may be familiar with the old joke about “How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?”
The answer is, “Only one. But the light bulb has to WANT to change.”
And sociopaths simply do not see themselves as having a problem. They are so completely devoid of empathy for others that the idea of needing to correct, modify, or “treat” anything in their own behavior or cognitive processes is rejected out of hand.
That line from The Terminator movie comes to mind: “Listen! And understand! That terminator is out there. It can’t be bargained with! It can’t be reasoned with! It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely Will. Not. Stop. Ever. Until you are dead!”
So it is with the antisocial personality disordered individual.
While I am not a therapist, nor do I play one on TV, the idea that bin Laden fits the profile of a sociopath, and a paranoid, depressed one at that, is not all that radical or new, and I daresay evidence to back it up is pretty strong — to wit, this recent analysis of an interview (including the text of the interview) with one of his wives in 2002:
http://themoderatevoice.com/108658/osama-bin-ladens-wife-appears-to-detail-the-depressive-sociopathy-of-a-man-who-imagined-himself-holy-but-chose-to-become-hellacious-instead/
This was someone who would have continued to execute his agenda of hate and bloodshed if not stopped. If jailed, his prison location would have become a target for radical jihadis, innocent correctional officers and staff would have been at terrible risk, and his trial would have given him the public mouthpiece he so obviously craves, likely winning even more followers to his hate-filled, distorted Islamist cause. And God help us all if he had been acquitted … or even if there were a mistrial of sorts and the process had dragged on, I do not think we’d have been better off.
Until we, as a species, develop a better set of diagnostics and a more comprehensive set of treatment methodologies, there will be a segment of the human population that will kill without remorse, and we will not be able to reach them to “fix” that. And so long as their are nations willing to give safe harbor these people and even enable their continued criminal activities, if only by turning a blind eye to their presence, we will be at their mercy.
And these are people who are not capable of mercy.
Patty, thank you for your detailed response.
I’m not questioning you or what you say, but I am completely at a loss to understand how one would read my posts and think they are in any way saying that Osama bin Laden’s killing was a mistake. That is not the point of my posts. Even though I wish there could have been another alternative, when it came down to it, from what I read, there wasn’t. So be it. Please, please to Patty and any other commenters out there, while I am thrilled that you have taken the time to comment on my ideas, I would be even more thrilled if you would stop trying to convince me that we had to kill bin Laden or that I am somehow naive or insane (or both) for thinking that compassion may play a role in creating a more peaceful world, perhaps more than continued violence.
We have tried the path of continued violence and all the theories–psychological, spiritual, sociological–that can justify it for thousands of years. How many more ways can I say this? IT DOESN’T WORK. OUR THEORIES ARE CONVENIENCES MEANT TO JUSTIFY ACTING OUT OUR WORST FEARS. When will we grow up? I hope it will be soon, in time to save our world.
What I am trying (unsuccessfully) to point out is that until we are able to stop viewing the our fellow humans as us or them, we are headed for a world that is inhabited by, well, either us or them. I for one prefer to try and avoid a path that ends in annihilation–of anyone. The people who are saying there is no choice, that we are already at a point of us OR them do not have my agreement and have written off many, many people as undeserving of life. I think there are things to try before that and it is my belief and experience that the path of compassion can save a lot of bloodshed. Maybe not for you or me, but for our children.
The big, big problem with your explanation of us and them, presented as a fait accompli, is that sometimes I am an “us” and sometimes I am a “them.” Sometimes I can feel compassion and understand the consequences of my actions and sometimes I cannot. I wager that you are the same.
When you or anyone else tries to paint such categories as unequivocal, I become very concerned about who in the end will judge which of us falls into which category and by what measure. It’s just not that simple.
In any and all cases, I truly appreciate this thoughtful and penetrating dialog with you.
I’m sorry people gave you such crap about your essay regarding Bin Laden, though I’m not surprised. We live in a country where our President had somewhat poor approval ratings until he decided to violate some of our most cherished principles and kill another human being without due process, something that I believe *everyone* is entitled to regardless of where they live or what they did. I’m still not sure how to feel about that, given that I campaigned hard to get the man into office. I do believe that a crime almost as great as the one he supposedly perpetrated occurred on the day that he died and if I could ask the President just one question, it would be why OBL was not brought into custody rather than killed.
Aside from those feelings, I share your sentiment that a distinct lack of foresight and compassion soaked the operation that led to OBL’s death, and that lacking will only further the chain of bloodshed that we have sought to end for the last decade. It reminds me of a political cartoon displaying an endless line of tombstones, each one of them reading “killed for avenging ——->”, pointing to the next tombstone. Even now, OBL’s son is talking about how his father’s death was a crime, and while I may not share his general beliefs, I do believe that he’s right about that. There was nothing right, legally, politically, or religiously, that happened when he was killed.
I appreciate your blog, thank you for writing it!
Wow, the death of a mass murderer is the equivalent or a greater crime than 9/11. I really tried to find the point in your positions, but I have to say, you people are out of your minds.
I appreciate you taking the time to try, in any case. Maybe another time.
Nils ~ Hope you’re not lumping me in with your “you people” comment there!
I am not going to pass judgment on anyone’s comments. Nor am I going to jump to any conclusions other than those that I have been able to verify in person off the beaten paths all over the world. Therefore if my statements offend anyone I can assure you that the intent was not intentional.
I believe Susan’s comments, when viewed without all of the emotional entanglements that people have attached to them, basically stated how much we are all alike. In order to provide a method by which we could “measure” our level of compassion Susan used as an example a woman who had provided her with a paricularly difficult challenge. I will also suggest that part of her blogs in the past few days have even touched on the subject of compassion regarding Osama bin Laden.
It was an example I think she provided us with in an effort to have us examine our own levels of compassion and for good reason: I am the only one who can change me into the compassionate person I wish to be. In order to change it helps to have a goal and after reading the responses from many of you over the past few days I am pretty happy with the person I have become. Far from perfect but much more compassionate and tolerant (they must go together don’t you think) than I was in years past.
Nothing good comes from me standing in judgement over Susan, the President (past, current, or future), or Osama for that matter. That doesn’t mean I am not judgemental, but I do see the futility in it, and I do see the opportunity for growth in searching for the seeds of compassion because I get to measure, not against you, but against the person I once was. At the end of the day I can be angry for the comments directed my way or grateful for the lessons as a result. It is really up to me.
Keep up the good work we are all in this together.
John, I really appreciate the stance you’re taking. S.
I don’t remember quite how I found that entry, but I have to tell you that you quite eloquently phrased what my mom and I were feeling. Despite the horrible things he did/caused, his death is still a life lost. There are now more children growing up without a father. And the fact that we were cheering that day did not make us any better than “those people.” Kids at my school were cheering too, and when I mentioned that even though yes, it was a relief and considered to be necessary, it was still sort of sad so maybe we shouldn’t be quite so happy about it, they informed me that they do worse things to prisoners and people they kill. So my question was, do you really think our “celebrating” was so much better than what “they” do? I liked your reference to the “celebrating” as “bad sportsmanship.” Kudos. Sending lots of good thoughts your way.
No, our celebrating was no worse than what they did. Exactly the point. We should be better than to condemn others for doing something that we then turn around and do. (As in the specific case you mention—cheering.)
Thanks for your kind thoughts!
Thank you very much for this post. It is easy to love your neighbors and your friends. It is much more challenging to love your enemies.