Spiritual BFFs
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There is no question that you have to figure out your spiritual path on your own. No matter how much you want to find ready-made answers, no one can actually tell you that you should be a Buddhist or a Catholic or an agnostic; no one can tell you that right now is the time to make a commitment to a single path or, no, it isn’t. Not your parents, friends, fellow practitioners, or teachers; no book or class or workshop can make decisions for you. For better or worse, you’re in this all by yourself.
But there is also no question that you are not alone. It has and will be demonstrated to you over and over that there are individuals who will come to your aid when you need them. Sometimes you don’t recognize them until some months or years have gone by, but if you reflect on the key moments of your life, you see that people arrive and depart on some kind of timetable that makes sense. They are your spiritual friends, or kalyanamitra in Sanksrit. (Pronounced ka-lee-ah-nah-mee-tra.)
In Buddhist thought, anyone who brings a spiritual lesson home to you is considered kalyanamitra. They can take various forms along the path: as a teacher who gives you accurate information about your spiritual practice; as a fellow student who has been practicing for longer than you and is thus able to shed light on the path you are both on; and, ultimately, as a guru, one can guide you to enlightenment. In a less formal sense, spiritual friends also show up in your life as long time pals, new acquaintances, schoolteachers, and strangers who happen to comment on something you were just thinking about. Even your enemies demonstrate such friendship by forcing you to take a position, drop a particular activity, or gain clarity about who and what you truly desire. And if you’re fortunate, one day, one such friend will show up in a way that let’s you know beyond doubt that you’ve found your teacher.
However they show up, we can be grateful, so very grateful. There are people and circumstances out there to guide us. The more we look, the more we notice them. When you find your kalyanamitras, please offer them great care, devotion, and appreciation. Yes, we’re each in this alone, but we’re in it alone together.
Who are your best spiritual friends?
24 comments
Love this post, but I have to admit I’m preoccupied with the photo that goes with it. Is it Kripalu? I haven’t been to Kripalu for years, but the photo is strangely familiar….
Maia, that’s exactly where it is! I took that photo about 5 years ago.
This is interesting. I feel that I have found my path, however, sometimes I find that, though, I am a compassionate person, that I need to use my wisdom when sharing my most inner beliefs and heart. It is awful because sometimes I feel guilty about the need to draw boundaries with frenemies. Apparently, I am not compassionate enough because I might not want to share my life with everyone.
Yes, it is as important to be discriminating as it is to be openhearted. One without the other is not so good. Drawing boundaries with people who hurt you is a very good (and kind) thing to do, for yourself and for them.
I am not compassionate enough according to some people because you must be selfless, even if it means sacrificing yourself for a frenemy. LOL.
Compassion for yourself is of paramount importance. It is the true root of compassion for others.
Thanks Susan. I just try to wish well on others too, and just continue on my path while helping those who I think I can without it being unhealthy, you know. This is a competitive world and somehow it just sucks the life out of me. Competition.
I do not do well with competition. I do best when I compete against myself. You know, otherwise relationship with yourself and others becomes toxic.
I am also competitive with myself and try to catch myself on it. Because when I win, I also lose. Life is just like that sometimes!!
My spiritual teacher showed up in one of life’s most painful moments. He was the chemotherapist administering chemo for my dying child. I always feel that it was Chris, my child’s gift to me. Painfully enligtening! (It was many, many years ago and I have lived a life filled with light).
Dot, oh my. Thank you so much for taking the time to communicate such a powerful and concise and light-filled message. I feel honored to read it. Love, Susan
Yes, when you win, I think you have to keep it in check, otherwise we can end up in a world of wanting more all the time– like become super-greedy, and then we are never satisfied. Susan, is this what you mean?
No, but you’re right! What I meant was that if I’m competing against myself and I win, then the loser is…me!
Oh I see. Yes, but I guess the attitude I have tried to have lately is to have faith that losing sometimes means that you are on the path to winning. The failure is just resistance to the victory?? That’s why I try to keep nice and balanced, because we can’t win them all.
Agreed…
So you must not compete with yourself? is that what you want to say?
I am on my path to discovering my spiritual being and I must say that you are helping me to discover it. Your book that I am currently reading is leading me the way. Thank you.
I’m not saying you mustn’t compete with yourself, nor that trying to become the best person you can is a bad idea. Just saying (sort of half joking) that when you compete against someone, in the end there is a winner and loser. When you compete with yourself, you are both!
So very, very happy if my book is useful, Annalyn. Many thanks for taking the time to say so and keep me posted!
Have you read the Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother Susan? It is quite interesting. Chinese style parenting vs. Western style parenting.
I haven’t. But I remember hearing about it and it sounds interesting. Do you recommend it?
It is interesting. I do recommend it because it is so controversial. I grew up with Bengali parents and can relate. Some of the points this woman makes are right on. But at the same time it is too much, I think.
Some of it is painful. What kinds of books do you acquire at Shambhala?
Thank you Susan, I gain comfort from the idea we are alone together.
For so long I have felt the alone on what I understand to be my path and have rarely noticed the together.
A great reminder!
For those of us not connected to the acronym, what is a BFF?
Best Friend Forever?
Sounds good – Thanks
I could probably benefit with a few (more) of those
Any offers?