Posts from — October 2011

You’re ready to get your meditation on. You’ve established the time. You’ve arranged your cushion just so. Your inspiration to become more patient, giving, and kind is at the forefront of your mind. You’ve perfected your meditation outfit. You settle onto your cushion, light a candle, ring a gong, and…fall asleep.

Believe me, we’ve all been there. What to do? Some suggestions.

Wake up! Enjoy!

PS For meditation instruction videos delivered 2x weekly to your inbox, sign up for the Open Heart Project.

This morning I woke up with a feeling of depression. This is not unusual for me. Perhaps you can relate. I have struggled with depression for my entire life, since I was a small child. I really don’t know why and I sort of don’t really care why anymore. Nonetheless, I have had to find a way to work with it because it has bordered on being debilitating at many different points in my life.

The feeling I woke up with this morning was very familiar. A kind of heaviness in my body and a sense of being weighted down. A kind of mental activity I know quite well—that no matter where I looked in my life: my work, my relationship, my bank account, my home, my body, my future—it all looked bleak. Very bleak. Whenever this happens I dive into stories about how it got to be this way. True stories, I might add. I missed this opportunity. I made that wrong choice. My abilities are limited. Yes, true—on one hand. And utterly meaningless on the other. [Read more →]

And it was fun! Click the image for an audio recording of the 28-min interview.

please feel free to swipe this image for use on your own blog. here is a link, in case that’s useful.

It is quite natural to begin a meditation practice because you want to change or improve something about your life. Otherwise, why would you even try it? Of course you want to be less stressed, more patient, boost your confidence, feel less pain of all sorts. Your meditation practice will definitely help with these things–but only if you give up any and all agendas for change.

The greatest changes come when you stop trying to change yourself and instead extend the hand of friendship to yourself, exactly as you are right now. When you cease to view meditation as an attempt at self-improvement and see it instead as an exercise in self-acceptance, the gifts come pouring in.

This video goes outlines the 3 steps for making meditation spiritual rather than self-help.

For today’s accompanying guided meditation practice, please sign up for the Open Heart Project.

Let me hear your thoughts! Questions!

Stop. Give.

In addition to helping you relax and discover your own wisdom, meditation is a way of softening and opening your heart.

But is it possible to open it too much? I’m sure you have had this experience, of trying to be good and kind and then finding yourself under the thumb of a very needy person. Sometimes it is absolutely necessary to draw the line, but how to do so without abandoning your friend or your commitment to compassion?

On this score, I recently received a question from a member of the Open Heart Project.

Q: “How does one be openhearted and compassionate without being consumed by a friend’s crisis? How does Buddhism explain the self-preservation part of this?”

A: Giving is an act of joy. When the joy disappears for long stretches, or you begin to suspect that your giving is robbing you rather then replenishing you, it’s good to reassess.

Even when your generosity begins from a sense of obligation (and often it does), you can turn it into a gesture of joy by knowing that no matter what, you are going to figure out a way to envelop those you encounter with loving kindness.

Sure, the most common form of giving is time and availability. But giving can take many other forms, the most important of which is to hold this person in your heart with kindness. Here are some suggestions for remaining a generous friend without jumping into the fire with her:

1. Practice loving kindness meditation for her. I give traditional instruction here.

2. Think of her with love when you see or hear something that reminds you of the trouble she is facing. Send her loving kindness by simply thinking, “In this moment, I feel what you feel. I hold you in my heart and wish for you liberation from this difficulty.”

3. Make little gestures of kindness that don’t involve diving into the story of her problems. Send her an email with a review of a movie you think she’d like. Send her a card with a note that says, “thinking of you.” Send her a book you think she might enjoy. Send her things that let he know you care. You don’t have to send her your time, advice, or all the emotional energy you possess.

4. When you do anything that brings you pleasure, no matter how small—enjoying a particularly delicious cup of coffee, encountering only green lights on the drive to work, seeing the delight on your child’s face when he rides his bike—touch in with your moment of delight and simultaneously bring your friend to mind with the wish that she too could experience such feelings. Share your happiness with her in this way.

5. As you end your meditation practice for the day, dedicate the merit of that session to her wellbeing.

In these ways, you can stay away and move close at the same time.

Hope this helps.

PS I’m sure you all can and have come up with all sorts of ways of letting someone know you care without necessarily becoming caught up in their drama. What do you suggest? Tell!

I’m just back from teaching a wonderful meditation and writing retreat in the Colorado Rockies this past weekend. The weather conspired to create the ideal setting for turning inward. Snow began to fall as our retreat began and continued to blanket the ground, socking us in completely. There was nowhere to turn but in. On the final day, the sun came out and melted away whatever might have kept us from leaving, opening the door to return whence we came. Thank you, world.

Two things seem to happen automatically when you have the precious opportunity to retreat from daily concerns and reconnect with yourself, the self who exists beyond your responsibilities, children, partners, friends, and who the TV tells you you’re supposed to be. [Read more →]

Yesterday,  a new member of The Open Heart Project emailed to ask a very poignant question:

“How can you let go of fear of uncertainty?”

Of course we all fear uncertainty–and these days there is much to be uncertain about, whether our concerns are financial, romantic, health-related, planetary, and on and on. Of course I’m no exception.

I wish I had some magic Buddhist secret for how to stop feeling afraid and uncertain. if I did, you would be the first to know it.

Well, come to think of it, i DO know a magic Buddhist secret, sort of. [Read more →]

A question from a new member of The Open Heart Project. She wonders: “How has meditation made a difference in people’s lives- maybe some testimonials?”

If you have anything to say on this question, I know I’d love to hear it, as would she.

Sometimes we are just too agitated to meditate. It’s not even that we can’t find 10 minutes–it’s that when we do, it just feels too uncomfortable to sit. All the things on our to do list come up. The heart starts racing. The mind flips out. The more we sit, the more we freak ourselves out.

Sound familiar? This happens to me all the time. Here is what I do to get over the agitation that prevents me from meditating. [Read more →]