Category — dharma

I wrote this in response to a friend who was feeling bad because one of her possessions was stolen–something that she had cared for, paid for in full, and would be expensive to replace. She wrote me feeling that her practice had failed her because she felt so violated and angry that she was questioning the goodness of her fellow humans. Her dilemma really touched me because I have struggled with the same exact feelings. Aren’t spiritual practitioners supposed to feel generous all the time or, when things go wrong, at least recover quickly and be restored to equanimity?

The answer, as you may have guessed, is no. Here is what I said to her:

“…the situation you describe sounds just awful; I would feel exactly as you do: devastated, angry, scared, violated, suspicious, and so on.

The thing about practice is that it does not mean you will feel perpetually non-plussed, nor that you will always feel kind and gentle towards people. (Personally, I was quite chagrined to find this out.)

However, you can begin to recover your softness by offering some kindness and gentleness toward yourself–beginning with cutting yourself a break for your feelings, for being human. Being well-practiced doesn’t mean you won’t get upset at anything, it means that when you do get upset, you are able to turn your attention toward it immediately, on the spot, and open your arms to it, not to condone (or reject) it, but simply to feel it. The more readily you can embrace and inhabit your experience as it is, the more you can deem your practice a “success.” It has nothing to do with never getting upset but is about having the courage and tenderness to own your experience. There is no need to shut out anything, even the so-called “bad” things such as lack of charity and anger–instead, you could open up, allow your humanity, and forego both judging and acting on your feelings. This is where kindness begins. First, as mentioned, toward yourself. From here, such kindness naturally expands to others. It all begins with feeling it toward yourself. This step is so, so important. In fact, it is critical. [Read more →]

Me. Albert King. Another planet.

About 25 years ago, I was driving cross country for the reasons you might expect of a 20-year old who was utterly lost. Where the hell was my life? It had to be somewhere. It was not in the big city suburb I grew up in. Not in the rows of desks at that sheep factory called High School from which I barely graduated and not in any of the sheep factories of higher learning, none of which I bothered to apply to in favor of a succession of waitress and waitress-like jobs and hanging out in bars, and not in the telenovelas of the lives of those I met but had no way to connect with because no one spoke my language. Where was my life? Where were my people? Some hints could be found in books, yes. In music, certainly.

But what did art and music have to do with me? How could I find a life to relate to when I didn’t even know my own location? I could find no discernible roads, no apparent steps to climb, no conceivable destination to maneuver toward. Lost. So I figured, what the hell, I might as well drive around. At least that way my body would be doing what my mind already was, and there’s something oddly satisfying about matching those two up. I got behind the wheel and headed in the only viable direction for a music lover in Boston (or anywhere, really): South. And West. [Read more →]

I love me some Jen Louden. She is devoted, generous, smart, funny, and has a fantastic haircut. What’s not to love? Oh yes, she also wants to help everyone in the world become who they’re really meant to be and thereby save the planet. A mission I wholly admire.

She interviewed me for her Savor & Serve project and you can read it here:

Together with Patti Digh, we’re teaching a writing and creativity workshop in Boston Sept 23-24, Walking Into Fire: Sidestepping Fear, Writing Your Heart Out, and Letting Your Story Tell Itself.

September 12, 2011

There is a Buddhist meditation practice called Tonglen. In Tibetan, tong means “sending out” and len means “receiving.” So Tonglen is known as the practice of sending and taking, or of exchanging self for other. Instead of inhaling what makes us feel good and exhaling what makes us feel bad, this practice asks that we do the opposite. We breathe in the suffering of others by visualizing it as dark, hot, sticky, soot and smoke coming into our lungs. We breathe out what is positive in the form of air that is light, bright, clean, and cool. In this way, we volunteer to take in some portion of the world’s suffering and offer up to it whatever good we possess.

On this day ten years ago, I decided to drive into Manhattan. [Read more →]

Right now, I’m in Maine on our annual vacation. Duncan (my husband) and I come up here once a year. He has been doing so since he was a child and I’ve been coming here with him for the last 15 years. It’s the one time of the year where we leave everything–our stresses, concerns, chores, work responsibilities–at home. Or try to.

There is one thing I don’t want to leave behind though, and that is my meditation practice. How can you bring your meditation practice on the road with you (if you so desire)? Here are some of the things I try to do. [Read more →]

In the first one, I talk about 3 steps to make your meditation ore than simple self-help–but into a spiritual practice. The second video is our 10-minute practice session.

The steps are:

Make offerings (the best offering is always who and what you are in the moment)
Request blessings (of your lineage or lineages; be they traditional (Buddhist, Catholic, and so on) or of the heart (perhaps you are of the lineage of artists or fathers or geniuses or gardeners or activists or Celts…)

Dedicate the merit (at the end of our practice, we make the aspiration that it could–somehow–benefit all beings, which includes you, remember)

Here is the audio-only version of video 1 (7:53)
Here is the audio-only version of video 2 (12:01)

Questions, comments? You know what to do. Email me or post to a comment below.

In video #1, I talk about making offerings and such. It can be helpful to have a shrine or altar table at home. To create an altar or shrine in your home, keep it simple. Don’t get carried away. A bookshelf, bedside table, or windowsill is good. A table covered in brocade holding a candle and a photograph is awesome too. It’s not important to make your altar table the most beautiful in the history of the world. It is important that it be neat, clean, and show sincerity. Typically, altars contain things that evoke the senses, such as images, fragrances, and so on. These are the most non-conceptual offerings. You can place on your altar an image of something or someone precious, flowers, a candle, and/or incense. Here are some examples.

Books to read:

Today’s 10-minute meditation:

I was in a discussion online yesterday about certain insights into meditation practice and one person posted something like “I wish I had known this, but maybe it’s best to learn by experience.”

Fortunately or not, there is no way to learn without bringing something into experience. otherwise, it simply remains information, not wisdom.

So while it’s of utmost importance to practice, it’s of equal utmost importance to study. Study (meaning reading, taking classes, and also simply spending time thinking about stuff) gives rise to the proper view. Holding the view is important. Without it, you don’t really know what you’re doing on the meditation cushion. It’s like trying to walk from here to Brooklyn without knowing where “here” is. you could wander around for awhile and stuff, but who knows where you’ll end up.

So, in the name of holding the view, i’d like to recommend some books that have been ridiculously helpful to me. Check the video for more info.

PS I broke today’s session into two videos: the first one (about 10 mins) is the book suggestions and the second one is our 10 minute meditation for the day.

When the iron bird flies and horses run on wheels, the Tibetan people will be scattered like ants across the face of the earth. ~ Guru Padmasambhava (8th Century)

I can’t wait for this film, described this way by the producers:

When the Iron Bird Flies traces the astounding path of one of the world’s great spiritual traditions from the caves of Tibet to the mainstream of western culture and asks: In these increasingly chaotic modern times, can these age old teachings help us find genuine happiness and create a saner, more compassionate 21st century world?

As mentioned in the last post there are four karmas, four ways of taking action in this world to increase the sanity of our own and others’ experience. The first one, which we talked about last week, “to pacify” is about opening to whatever arises with a quality of directness and gentleness. This doesn’t mean that what is happening around you is gentle–simply that you remain so, even in the face of difficulty.

The second karma, called “to enrich” is what comes next. Once you have begun to pacify a situation by opening to it as it unfolds, you are in a position to increase the wealth of that situation. It is very much about creating and producing–not normally qualities we associate with spiritual practitioners who may be seen more as beings who don’t want to get overly involved with the stuff of this world. [Read more →]

Today I want to introduce you to something called the Four Karmas or enlightened actions.

Often, Buddhist meditators are presented as kind of inert, as people who strive for a kind of impassivity. Au contraire. As much as anything, by creating presence of mind and enabling you to have accurate perceptions about what is happening around and within you, a meditation practice prepares you to take action in this world–to improve your life, help the planet, navigate the difficulties, and truly take in the joys. [Read more →]