Category — ishita

This week and last I’ve spent more time reading about meditation than actually practicing it. This shows me how strong my habit pattern is to put off things that are challenging for me or that bring up even a mild amount of discomfort. It’s funny because as I’m reading at times I have the thought, “I’m reading this right now because it’s too hard to make the effort to meditate.” While thinking that, sometimes i’ll put down the book and get up and meditate and other times i’ll just keep reading.  That’s how the process has gone for me this week.

But Sunday was different. Sunday, stranded with no phone or computer, not by choice but by circumstance (i left my phone charger at work and my cell was dead, and my apartment has no internet so i have to go to a coffeeshop if i want to go online. this is too much effort for a Sunday. So, after panicking rightly so for a few hours on Saturday night and Sunday morning, I decided to just relax. I read my meditation book (not kidding) and then actually practiced watching my breath and meditating in the morning. Before I did this, i can’t tell you how restless I was with no mode of communication and with none of my usual distractions at hand – internet surfing, facebook, just picking up the phone. I was actually scared and panicked before I settled down. But once I breathed in and out for 20 minutes and meditated and read my book on how not to be afraid of being alone, I felt quite good. I felt great actually. This is what staying in the present moment, even if it’s icky means, I think. Once I was able to blast through the super dramatic stories of what not talking to anyone or being with anyone meant, I realized I could create a safe space for myself right there and then. And that’s when i started to relax.

So that’s my little experience with meditation and sticking with the present moment for this week.

On another note, I’m proud of myself because I see that perhaps I do have the discipline and will power (and the desire) needed to make meditation a daily habit of mine. I’ve gone to the gym consistently for the last two weeks and keeping up that habit (more than any of the actual excercises) has made me quite happy.

From Ishita: Last night I physically had to force myself to sit down to meditate. Despite the fact that I feel good about doing it and sometimes it brings me peace, the act of sitting down is one I have to force myself to do. I had to laugh because I moved from bed to chair (where i meditate) bed to chair bed to chair before I finally sat down. It felt like as soon as I thought about meditating, a discursive thought swooped in, took over my brain and told me to go to the bed or write an email. Anything but meditate.

I found myself asking “What is going on?” Reminds me of the time I laced up my tennis shoes, walked ten minutes to the gym, and turned right around and went home. Crazy as it was, it showed me the power of habit and how strong it’s pull is on me. It’s hard to change habits. It’s hard to stop everything to meditate. It’s hard to not feel consumed by creeper thoughts. [Read more →]

From Ishita:

morning time for me is sacred. I cherish the hours of 6-9a.m. and it is where I feel most connected to myself and the world. It’s a perfect time for me to practice meditation. So when susan said “somewhere it is always morning.” i just loved that. it was a visual that put me back into my heart.

I do think it is a way to see god, but i’m not sure because sometimes that thought is overwhelming…buddhism makes it more practical. there are two sides to my practice of meditation: the practical side which reminds me of the buddhist practice and the more spiritual/god side like SRF.

From Susan: What is SRF?

i felt overwhelmed one time and came into the present moment which really relieved a lot of intense feelings (left Vegas and felt so lonely on the plane, hard to manage turbulence, sundays usually suck anyway, was having not-so-good thoughts. then i read thich naht hahn, “peace is every breath” and really allowed myself to stay in the present. it made ALL the difference in the world.

last night I realized I feel my best when my body and mind are aligned (I notice this professionally as well where I feel most energized by activities, tasks, and people who are aligned with my own values/thoughts.)

some thoughts i had throughout the process of meditation was:

-aligning breath feels good because it’s a tool you already possess – you don’t need to “get” anything new or acquire something to focus on it. You already have what you need. This thought automatically levels the playing field for me and the task of focusing on my breath feels attainable.

meditation focuses on the placement of attention – i like being able to harness my attention

meditation doesn’t bring me equal parts peace and frustration. It brings me more peace. while I get frustrated often – with my thoughts, with my restlessness, with my inability to focus without projects coming to mind – the overall effect of my meditation is one of great value. it shows me that i’m focusing on myself, on ways of seeing clearly

the practice of meditation is elegant. you are no longer the normal “thinking” person who walks around day to day consumed by thought. you touch your core which is much calmer and more gentle. i liked when susan told me to “sit relaxed like a queen” because i felt like one.

From Susan: You are one. that’s what self-care and prioritizing yourself make you feel.

My dear and wonderful (and accomplished and generous and brilliant) friend Ishita is establishing her meditation practice and will be reporting in from time to time (hopefully really, really often) about how it is going. I am SO EXCITED to have her as a regular part of the site, talking about what it’s like for her to explore the practice. And PS, check out her beautiful and generous (with Ishita, one can’t insert the word generous too many times) online publication, Fear.less.

Feel free to tell her/me/all of us how it is going for you…

From Ishita: Last night and this morning I tried meditation with Susan’s videos. Although my times were short (I estimated ten minutes) I felt good focusing on breath and setting time aside to practice. That I made time to meditate was a huge win for me. Sadly, most days I put it off until I’ve checked that last email or finished my “tasks.” I felt great making it a priority.

Briefly, I found meditation five years ago through a meditation teacher who taught simple sitting meditation. Since then I’ve practiced with various intensities (5-35 minutes) and depth, mostly with my palms upward in my lap and eyes closed. Most days it is short 5-10 minutes, and quite harried. Recently, due to life’s general intensity, I’ve felt like meditating much much more and getting back into the practice that seems to sustain me. Lucky for me I have a great friend who happens to also be a remarkable and real meditation teacher.

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