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The practice of sitting meditation begins to shed some light on the Buddhist view of discipline. In meditation, you cultivate focus and awareness by placing your attention on your breath rather than your thoughts. PS It has nothing to do with emptying the mind of thought!! Almost impossible!! Stop trying!! Big hoax!! Instead, you take a different view of your thoughts by seeing them as passing phenomena while your primary allegiance, attention-wise, is to your breath as it flows in and out through your nose. When you forget to do this and become wholly absorbed in thought again, it’s not a problem. You simply come back, with kindness toward yourself and your thought.

This gentle coming back is our first clue as to what true discipline is. It has nothing to do with bullying yourself. It has nothing do with being “good” or “bad.” In fact, it has nothing to do with anything other than simply coming back. There is no narrative attached to this action, it is what it is. [Read more →]

Why do we meditate with our eyes open?

Good morning, lovely people. Yes, I mean you. And you and you.

This morning, I’m going to talk about one aspect of the meditation technique: the eyes, which remain open–and then we’ll sit for about 10 minutes together. You can listen to this little talk (about 5 minutes) and then go right into your practice or, if you don’t have time, listen to one now and the other later. I made the talk and the practice in two files so you’d have some flexibility about how to use them.

And, btw: I’m still figuring out how to bring you meditation instruction and thoughts about the practice in these emails. I’m thinking that maybe everyday, M-F is too frequent, a bit much to absorb. So I’m going to cut back this week to just a few times and see how that goes. If you have any feedback, lay it on me. I want to offer these instructions and insights in the most useful way, so please don’t hesitate.

Regarding the eyes: people often wonder why they’re kept open during practice, saying that it’s just too distracting or that it’s easier to become peaceful with the eyes closed. Duly noted! And if the point of meditation was to minimize distraction and feel peaceful, this would be a problem. But the idea (of this practice, in any case) is neither. Instead, it is to find a sense of steadiness in the midst of all distractions and to cultivate acceptance of any and all mind states: including peacefulness, but also extending to irritation, ecstasy, sadness, dullness, silliness, sharpness, and so on. If we try to cut out all mind states but one, we miss the glorious wakeful brilliance of things as they are, of ourselves. So when you practice, keep your eyes open and the gaze soft. Feel what it feels like to open to your world, to sit with it all, and to relax. This is an extremely dignified thing to do.

Today’s meditation instruction:

Some thoughts on Valentine’s Day

What if we could celebrate Valentine’s Day in a whole different way? What if instead of celebrating whether or not we have someone to take us out to dinner, we celebrated all the love we have ever felt in our lives, all the love we have yet to feel, and all the love we could feel today, if we allowed it?

If you are in a relationship, make today all about him or her. Lavish gifts, attention, appreciation—but not for show. Make it real. Include lots of gazing into her eyes to see if you can connect with the very essence of this precious being. (Stop just short of being annoying.) Include slow dancing in your kitchen, whether or not music is playing. Add in something homemade, like a pie or an instagram or a poem you wrote about his face in the morning. Make a playlist of songs that remind you of her kisses.

If you aren’t in a relationship, make every being you encounter today into a loved one. No, not that kind. The kind where you think about what is on their mind whether or not they tell you and try to do something thoughtful—like you could laugh with them at what they find funny or cry with them over what makes them sad. You could make your very first question to yourself about everyone be “what is going on for this person and how could I lighten their load a teeny bit, whether or not I have any idea what they’re talking about?” That kind.

And if your heart is broken, you’re in the best shape of all for a day of love because all you have is love. It may feel like pain and longing (and sure, it is), but it’s also something else: love itself, unbound from an object. You know this is you when you feel everything—your own sorrow and the sorrow of others, and also their joy. So even though it can be a bit disorienting, let your openness work for you by agreeing that, just for today, you’re going to use your super powers of empathy to do good for others. And see what happens next.

Make it a day of love. Be a love ninja. Some suggestions: [Read more →]

In gearing up for my big, huge (to me) launch of a daily (M-F) email about life, love, leadership, joy, and creativity based on a Buddhist point of view, I’ve asked people what they might like me to write about. Here are some of the requests I’ve received:

• Can you talk about making a distinction between drawing a boundary with someone’s unacceptable (or abusive) behaviour vs. “running away”…Especially with a partner. when do you not stay in a bad situation?

• How does one become fearless?

• How can I maintain hope and foster hope in others in difficult circumstances?

• Write more about deepening relationships while still being realistic and accepting.

• What has been the biggest eye opener you have had since embracing Buddhism?

• After a very long relationship has ended, how can you truly wish your ex partner happiness (because they deserve to be happy like anyone else) without feeling that pinched feeling when you actually imagine him happy with someone else?

• I want to be more compassionate and kind to people and change my ingrained habitual response to certain situations…(even when they) still annoy me.
  

• Could you do an email about distinguishing between compassion and what Pema Chodron calls “idiot compassion”?

These are all so awesome. What do you want to hear about? Sign up for the newsletter and let me know. xoxo S

This post recently appeared on Huffington Post. Check it out to see the amazing comments.

I have been a student of Buddhism since 1995, and the study and practice of dharma inform my actions, friendships and creative focus. When you become a Buddhist, part of the commitment is to take off the training wheels and do your best to put the dharma into play in all situations. It’s no longer theoretical. It is your life. It’s a fun, scary, and noble challenge.

When the Buddha became enlightened, the first thing he handed out was the four noble truths and upon becoming a Buddhist, they are your benchmarks.

1. Life is suffering. (Doesn’t mean “life sucks,” by the way. More like, “life changes.”)
2. Suffering is caused by attachment. (Wanting things to be other than they are.)
3. It is possible to stop suffering. (Phew.)
4. There is an eight-fold path to liberate yourself from suffering, which includes such things as Right Speech, Right Action and so on.

There have been countless words written on each of these four and you could definitely spend a lifetime in contemplation of just one of them. To apply them to everyday life means to accept that things won’t ever quite work out (at least not in any conventional sense); that when you hold on to anything too tightly (even the idea of not holding on to anything too tightly), it backfires; you can definitely figure all this out and, finally, that there is a step-by-step explanation for how to do so, via practices, insights, devotion and so on. [Read more →]

Excerpt from my recent Huffington Post blog:

The recent throwdown between Amazon and Macmillan publishers is very, very interesting. I’m observing from three perspectives—as a working author trying to make a living as such; a Macmillan author, and an ex-music business exec.

When I read this on an Amazon forum: “I am not in the habit of supporting bullies…” I thought, yes. The idea that Amazon would actually refuse to sell an item because the supplier would not consent to their pricing demands was shocking, awful, a manifestation of everything that is wrong with the way we sell art/entertainment in our culture. A total and complete bully’s move.

Then I read this,  “…and will forever refrain from purchasing any book published by Macmillan [heretofore known as 'the bully'] or any of its divisions. I vote with my money and they just lost my vote.”

Oh my. How did the American public get hoodwinked into believing that the suppliers are the bullies rather than the retailers?

As an ex-music business exec (1989-2000), I’ve already seen how the story ends when an industry allows retailers (rather than suppliers) to set product pricing. Recording companies waited around for someone else to take the hit by telling Best Buy or Walmart to stuff their “loss-leader” strategies and outrageous price and position fees. But no one did. Kudos to Macmillan’s John Sargent for his bold gesture.  And shame on Amazon for calling the move to accept Macmillan’s pricing (for now) a capitulation. That word really gave me the creeps. Silly us-and-them PR, dudes. As if you were the ones struggling to hold on to margins, not publishers and not the lowest paid of all in this supply chain, the author. (Somehow, we’re never considered in this debate. If the publisher’s prices fall, so do our royalties. Which are an urban legend anyway.)

Amazon, you are being ridiculous. Just call it like it is: YOU WANT TO MAKE MORE MONEY.

And if anyone stopped to consider the author’s royalty (which is not paid by Amazon), they would see who is really being trampled here. Jeez.

To all you wonderful people out there and beyond, I have one thing to say to you. I love you!

Oh, and this too:

“Be regular and orderly in your life like a bourgeois so that you may be
violent and original in your work.” –Gustave Flaubert

OK, here I go again. Am back from retreat in Vermont where, for one week, I practiced meditation, wrote, read, slept soundly–all the things I so want to do in my non-retreat life. I realize there are major differences!! Like on retreat someone else does the cooking and washing up. That’s a biggie. But still, I long, long, long for a life of order that grounds me and keeps me focused on my personal loves: spiritual practice, study, self-expression.

Once again, I’m tired of coming to the end of each day feeling like I lived half of my life while the other half somehow got sucked up by TV, poor planning, and, most of all, self-doubt that causes me to put off things that challenge me. (Which is basically everything at this point–I’m standing right on top of some big professional and spiritual moments.) So once again, I want to marshal myself.

The theme of this GDE Redux is the same as the last one: Take all the things you say you should do everyday (or most days) and do them. Now, these things aren’t earth shattering. They’re simple and should be within my ability to accomplish. Write. Meditate. Study. Exercise. Drink water. Take vitamins. It’s so embarrassing how simple those things sound.

I learned several very valuable things from the last GDE. I want to take them into account on this go round. They are:

1. The GDE didn’t give a crap about my energy level. Somedays, I simply didn’t have much energy, while on others I did. I became very confused about how to react to all this: give in to it or plow ahead with the schedule anyway? Last time, I gave into it. This time, I’m going to plow ahead.

2.T he main failing of the GDE was that it created enormous levels of aggression towards other people. Especially the ones I really like. My husband, for example. Instead of being people I care for (or not), every single being (including my cats) became instead potential friends or enemies of the GDE. I couldn’t tell my friends and family to have their mid-life crises or muse about vacation spots only during times that were convenient for me. The people in my world needed me on their own timetable and I had no idea how to reconcile this with my needs. This time, I’m going to expect this and not get freaked out when people need me, but just try to support them the best I can and then get my butt back to the experiment.

3. The GDE lives and dies on advance planning. If I left any part of the day to chance, it all fell apart. So for instance, tomorrow, I know I want to meditate, write, and go for a run. I also know I have to run an errand at Crate & Barrel and pick up some colleagues at the airport at 630p. So tomorrow AM the first thing I need to do is examine every hour of the day and plan when I’m going to do what. I need to do this for the entire week, actually.

So here is the schedule I’ve come up with. Please hold me to it:

Monday, Thursday, & Friday
6-730 writing & meditation
730-10 personal writing
11-4 other kinds of work
4-5 run
5-530 meditation

Because I have all day meetings on Tues and Weds, they will look like this:

530-630 meditation, journaling
7-5 meeting

I am completely open to suggestions! And in the meantime, please wish me luck. I will keep you posted and if I can do it, I know you can too. xoxox Susan

Susan Piver is an ideal guide for anyone suffering from a broken heart.  Spiritually deep, funny and utterly practical, she reveals how this near universal experience can become a gateway to living and loving more fully. Tara Brach, author of Radical Acceptance

Susan Piver’s book makes the mending of a broken heart into a transformative journey, guiding us toward reclaiming our center and entering into the sacred space of forgiveness. Allyson and Alex Grey, Visionary Artists

Straight to the heart and from the heart, Susan Piver is the your best friend and wisest guide. The Wisdom of a Broken Heart is a roadmap for how to deal with all the feelings of loss, disappointment, and betrayal.  Clear, accessible, this book is for everyone. Buy it or suffer the wrath of Josh.  Josh Baran, author of The Tao of Now (and one of my very best friends who told me to definitely take out that last line. But I love it too much.)

I recently did a phone interview with The Writing Spirit. Since I’m just back from teaching a week-long meditation retreat for writers, I thought I’d post it, since these themes are very much on my mind.

JULIE:     I see that you’re about to lead a new meditation retreat for writers in a week. Are you looking forward to it?

SUSAN:    I’m looking forward to it very much. I have tremendous love for this combination, meditation and writing. They seem to go together extremely well.

JULIE:    I agree. And that’s what I’d like to talk to you about today.

So, Susan, what type of meditation practice do you teach?

SUSAN:    I teach a practice called Shamatha, which is a Sanskrit word that means calm abiding or tranquilly abiding. It dates from the time of the Buddha, about 2500 years ago, and is a basic breath awareness meditation; meaning, instead of allowing your thoughts to absorb your attention, you place your attention on your breath instead.

JULIE:    Susan, how does meditation relate to mindfulness?

SUSAN:    Well, meditation, I guess could be thought of as the cultivation of mindfulness. Because mindfulness, it’s come to be associated with many things, but I think all it is, is attention to the present moment, being in the present moment. Meditation is practicing being in the present moment so that when you’re off the cushion, you can more readily employ mindfulness as you wish.

But it’s not something in our very speedy world that we can just suddenly do. Okay, now I’m mindful, or I need to be more mindful. Well, yeah, we all need to be more mindful, but it’s not a matter of will. It’s a matter of practice and experience and a cultivation of mindfulness. And that’s what meditation does.

JULIE:    Is there any aspect of surrender in that? Surrender to the moment? Or is it more cultivation?

SUSAN:    Well, I don’t know. What do you mean by surrender?

JULIE:    When talking about the willfulness and focusing on thought and not being in the moment. To me, being in the moment is a relaxing, is surrendering. So, I’m just wondering how that relates to your view of mindfulness and being in the moment?

SUSAN:    I think you used the key word, which is relaxing…which is, I guess, the same thing as opening. I suppose surrender could mean the same thing. But at the same time, if you’re focused surrendering, you’re not paying attention. You know what I mean?

If you’re engaged in surrendering, you’re not so much engaged in what’s happening. And sometimes it feels great to be engaged in what’s happening, but sometimes it doesn’t feel very good. And you wish you didn’t have to. But, nonetheless, the ability to relax enough to relate with your world is critical. Perhaps you could call it surrendering or relaxing or allowing. I think we probably mean the same things by these words.

Here is the full transcript. Warning: it’s long….