The last two weeks of December are among my very favorite of the year—not necessarily because of the holidays and all that, but because it is a natural time for turning inward, taking stock, envisioning the future, and so on.

I have two suggestions for making new year’s resolutions in such a way that they become a part of your spiritual practice rather than an exercise in wishful thinking and self-aggression. Here is the first one. Tune in on Wednesday for the second one.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent many a late December making long lists of goals to achieve and personal qualities to possess. None of my goals were bad or wrong, and my vision of the kind of person I wanted to be was someone good and kind. The goals themselves were not the problem, it was the way I set about accomplishing them. At the end of each year, I always seemed to have the same resolutions so obviously just writing them down and wishing really, really hard for them to come true wasn’t getting it. It also did not seem helpful to imagine / visualize the outcomes I desired. Doing so just seemed to make me more anxious.

There are two little twists I’ve applied to my end of the year accountings and vision for the coming year that have make a big difference. As mentioned, the first one is in today’s newsletter and the second one will come on Wednesday. They’re both pretty simple. [Read more →]

OK, you know from my book review of We Are All Weird that I love Seth. I even got to share the stage with him briefly last week when he invited me to say a few words at The Medicine Ball Session about meditation and getting to know how your mind works. (Which is very important when you’re trying to navigate the tremendous ups and downs of starting/growing your business–I can say with all honesty that for me the biggest obstacle is,well, me. The tremendous ups and downs of emotion, self-confidence, and creative energy…) Here is a picture of this super cool occurrence.

WORD!!! [Read more →]

I continue to receive excellent questions from members of The Open Heart Project.

Q: Don’t most schools of Buddhism advise against attachment? Does attaching yourself to other humans make your awareness grow or be clouded, in your opinion?

A: I used to work for a guy who would change direction on our projects without telling me. He kept moving the cheese, as it were. When I expressed upset or confusion, he would often say something like, “you shouldn’t be so attached.” At the time, I actually believed that—partly because he was my boss and I admired him (and he held my paycheck in his hands) and partly because I was confused about what attachment meant.

For a long time, I believed not being attached meant not feeling anything too strongly one way or another, as if becoming sad or angry was a sign of spiritual non-attaintment. I thought that the fruit of spiritual practice was to abide in a permanent state of non-reaction or, if I did feel something “negative” it should somehow magically dissolve in the nectar of unseen equanimity so I could be returned to a state of bliss. Whatever that means.

At the same time, though, no one ever said anything about being too attached when they were happy. In fact, the same people who counseled non-attachment when things went poorly seemed quite happy to attach to things that worked out well. Understandably. I mean, we’re all human. The thing is, if you’re going to practice non-attachment to difficulty, you also have to practice it to joy. This is where it becomes very interesting and also much more human and wonderful. [Read more →]

I’m sure you have felt gentleness time and again for those you love or admire: your child, lover, a hero of music or politics, even your pet. You think of this creature and your heart melts. You feel how deeply you wish for their ease, and not because they “deserve” it. There actually is no reason at all for this feeling, beyond love. Your heart is simply open.

When have you ever felt this toward yourself? It is very, very important that you look at yourself in just this way. Please, starting today: soften toward this precious and irreplaceable being: YOU. All you have to do is notice her. She is like no other and has gifts to give that cannot be sourced elsewhere.

From here, you are able to feel this way for everyone, not just those you already love. In this way, by opening your heart, first to yourself and then to all beings, you open up to your own life.

I’d like to offer you a writing prompt from time to time, as suggested by one lovely member of the OHP. If you feel so moved, get out your journal and ponder this:

“Since I have begun to meditate, what I have learned about myself is…

If you’d like, please share what you write in the comments section.

A question most of us will end up asking about our meditation practice is how do I know if I’m doing it right?

We sit there minute after minute, day after day, month after month and it is totally natural to wonder: Am I really doing anything? Is there a right way to meditate? Could I be doing it wrong?

There are several possible answers to consider.

1. The simplest one is this: if at any point during your practice, you notice that attention has strayed away from breath and you remember to return to it, you are doing it “right.” Case closed.

2. Another way to approach this question is with another question, best posed some weeks or months after having begun to practice: Have I noticed any differences in my life since beginning a meditation practice? Perhaps you feel a tad more cheerful or patient or equanimous. Or maybe you are becoming a bit more sensitive. If you are noticing any qualitative changes in your daily experience, you could imagine that your meditation practice is going pretty well, even if you think you’re a “bad” meditator, i.e. find it impossible to follow two consecutive breaths. I think it’s the commitment to practice itself that effects change as musch as anything and remember, the aim of meditation (if there even is one) isn’t to become a great meditator. It’s to become a great person—one who is kind, wise, and brave.

3. The final possible answer is this. Who knows?! Meditation is a spiritual practice and as such is an object of mystery. If we really understood exactly how meditation “worked,” I’d say we had failed to understand it at all.

So the best bet is to keep on practicing. Stay with it. Do the best you can. And when you look back over your life, don’t spend too much time on the question, “was I meditating right” and focus instead on “how well did I live?”

Please sign up for The Open Heart Project to receive meditation instruction twice weekly via email.

Members of The Open Heart Project come up with the most excellent questions. Please join this growing community of meditators to receive meditation instruction 2x weekly via videos sent right to your inbox. It’s free. See the video above for more info.

And then pose your own question(s)!

Q: I often find that when I am getting ready to meditate or meditating, I feel like it is an “escape” and that I am avoiding “real work.” I suspect this comes from my Midwestern protestant work ethic upbringing. How common is that and what are good ways to let it go? [Read more →]

We Are All Weird
The Myth of Mass and the End of Compliance
By Seth Godin

I must begin this rare book review (I don’t think I’ve ever reviewed a book on my blog?) with a disclaimer: I love Seth Godin. I think he is one of the smartest, coolest, most generous people ever, EVER. Naturally I’m predisposed to like his newest book, so let me get the formalities out of the way and say: YES I DO.

After reading a few pages I wasn’t sure if Weird was about how to become a better business person or a better person-person. Sure, I was learning about shifts in the marketplace and the way the digital revolution is changing the culture of art and commerce. But at the same time I was noticing my faith in myself expand as well as my enthusiasm about opportunities in the marketplace and, well, for humanity in general. How many business books do that? And how many self-help books talk to you about commerce as a proving ground for your humanity?

Then I remembered that it was Seth and he does not distinguish between these things, which puts him pretty much in a category by himself. So although on one level, this book is about shifts in marketing, it’s really a compassionate argument for why you could have confidence in yourself and our world.

Now that’s my kind of “business book.” [Read more →]

I love yoga. I’ve been a half-assed student (which might be an asana, I’m not sure) for close to twenty years. I remember the moment I fell in love with the practice. It was at Kripalu. The teacher was Stephen (Kaviraj) Cope. The pose was trikonasana/triangle. Following Kavi’s precise verbal instruction and watching him model the pose with his beautiful (and beautifully human) body, I suddenly found that I was suspended in space in an unexpected way, my body draped into an unaccustomed but oddly thrilling design. It can do this, too?! I thought. How cool.

Kavi gave point-by-point instruction on how to find the proper alignment. Once there, we were encouraged to feel into it and then relax, including the awesomeness, including the oddness, the beauty, the discomfort, and the enjoyment of not knowing what it was supposed to feel like. His instruction to establish the pose but “relax around the holding” has served me to this day, on and off the mat.

From this, I learned that the first step in asana practice is precision. Each pose has a magical kind of integrity that is awakened only when animated by your body. Without alignment, the integrity goes away. From this precision, an opening of the energetic body is created. The pose then starts to animate you. And the third step, to let go—of expectation, judgment, hope, and fear—allows energy to continue flowing. In this way, honest transformation, the kind that transcends mere self-improvement, can occur.

Precision. Opening. Letting go. I had never related to myself in this way before and it changed the way I felt inside my body. I still love yoga for the same reasons, only more so.

Since then, I’ve been to like a zillion yoga classes: Iyengar, Ashtanga, Kripalu, Anusara, “Power,” Bikram, heated vinyasa, and on and on. I’m not a yoga snob and I pretty much like them all. As long as I shvitz, I don’t really care what the style is. Wherever I live, I just go to the studio closest to my house. [Read more →]