I love yoga. I’ve been a half-assed student (which might be an asana, I’m not sure) for close to twenty years. I remember the moment I fell in love with the practice. It was at Kripalu. The teacher was Stephen (Kaviraj) Cope. The pose was trikonasana/triangle. Following Kavi’s precise verbal instruction and watching him model the pose with his beautiful (and beautifully human) body, I suddenly found that I was suspended in space in an unexpected way, my body draped into an unaccustomed but oddly thrilling design. It can do this, too?! I thought. How cool.

Kavi gave point-by-point instruction on how to find the proper alignment. Once there, we were encouraged to feel into it and then relax, including the awesomeness, including the oddness, the beauty, the discomfort, and the enjoyment of not knowing what it was supposed to feel like. His instruction to establish the pose but “relax around the holding” has served me to this day, on and off the mat.

From this, I learned that the first step in asana practice is precision. Each pose has a magical kind of integrity that is awakened only when animated by your body. Without alignment, the integrity goes away. From this precision, an opening of the energetic body is created. The pose then starts to animate you. And the third step, to let go—of expectation, judgment, hope, and fear—allows energy to continue flowing. In this way, honest transformation, the kind that transcends mere self-improvement, can occur.

Precision. Opening. Letting go. I had never related to myself in this way before and it changed the way I felt inside my body. I still love yoga for the same reasons, only more so.

Since then, I’ve been to like a zillion yoga classes: Iyengar, Ashtanga, Kripalu, Anusara, “Power,” Bikram, heated vinyasa, and on and on. I’m not a yoga snob and I pretty much like them all. As long as I shvitz, I don’t really care what the style is. Wherever I live, I just go to the studio closest to my house. [Read more →]

Please try to watch this everyday. It has all the truth and all the sorrow and all the joy we could ever hope for. These things are inseparable: Truth. Sorrow. Joy. There is no need to choose.

If I had to identify the #1 issue that stands between most of us and the ability to be happy, it is disbelief in our own inherent goodness. Nearly every thought, action, and yearning is immediately followed by a critique, a view of ourselves through a reverse lens: How is this playing out? How does this make me look? What would _______ say about this or think of me? From the most workaday impulses to our grandest, darkest, and most brilliant inclinations, we take one approach: judgment.

Of course judgment is useful and we each need to be observant, pragmatic, and sensible in the way we conduct ourselves, but I’m not talking about the kind of judgments that help us make good decisions about who to befriend or what job to take. I’m talking about the harsh inner critic who seems concerned with cataloging our every move.

My inner critic tracks me with a handheld camera and while “I” do what I do throughout the day: dress, eat, work, and so on, “she” faces me, camera in hand, gazing through the viewfinder, and with every step I take forward, she takes one back, capturing it. Then a third entity (sometimes an idealized me, sometimes my parents, sometimes Martha Stewart, sometimes the Buddha, sometimes the whole world) watches it in real time.

It does no good to try to please the cameraperson. It does no good to try to push her down and brush past. It does no good to bargain with or enter into any kind of dialog with the viewing audience (or audient, as the case may be).

The only thing to do is snap the camera off. [Read more →]

This is a wonderful project featuring women helping women to love their bodies, heal their relationship with food, and sidestep the cultural urgings to find ourselves inadequate in the looks department. The important message of this project is that we can always choose to love ourselves.

30+ women writers (including me, Julie Daley, Marianne Elliot, Anna Guest-Jelley, Angela Kelsey, my beloved Jen Louden, Amy Pearson, Kate Svoboda, and others) wrote and, in some cases, recorded readings of letters to our younger selves. My video is below and please check out all the other moving, sweet, and fierce communications on this very important and mysterious topic.

Remember: When you choose love, you have nothing to lose.

About the project:

My video:

My thanks to all who participate in the Open Heart Project, study with me at workshops, visit this blog, or read my books. I am so grateful to you and on this Thanksgiving Eve, I offer you the following.

Recently, a member of the Open Heart Project wrote asking if I knew of any meditations for dealing with anxiety and this really started me thinking. I struggle with anxiety myself and it has been through attempting to apply the dharma to my own experiences that I have come to see its extraordinary applicability. As such, I have several suggestions to make. They are all predicated on having some kind of moment-to-moment, non-conceptual relationship with your own mind and heart, so a meditation practice is pretty much irreplaceable.

About 10 years ago, out of the blue, I started having panic attacks. When I say out of the blue, I mean out of the blue. They began when I was sitting on a plane about to fly from Boston to Denver. I have flown all over the world. I used to have a job that required me to fly to Europe frequently and I’ve lived outside of the US. Never been a problem—until this particular date when I took my seat on a United flight, strapped on my seat belt and began to sob and shake uncontrollably. My mouth went dry. My palms began to sweat. My heart felt like it was going to explode in my chest and adrenaline flooded my belly. It was as if my life had been threatened by a force of terrifying and unrelenting evil. (Some may think this is a sensible response to flying United, but I digress.) I had no idea what was going on, only that I Had. To. Get. Off. That. Plane. [Read more →]

I’m bumping this post up to a more current date (it’s from 2009) because I continue to receive really touching and inspiring and important stories from people. Please read through these painful, brave, thoughtful stories and, if you feel so moved, offer your wisdom in return.

More than anything, personal stories help others to heal.

So if you can, please post the story of your broken heart in the comments section. Talk about what happened. Talk about about how you felt. Talk about what helped, what didn’t, and how you feel now. It doesn’t have to be a super redemptive story about how everything in your life is now perfect. (Although it can be!)

Just speak from your heart.

If you don’t know how to begin, start with these questions. Cut and paste this into the comments section and fill in the blanks. If you don’t know how to answer a particular question, just skip it for now. Email me if you have any questions or concerns about posting.

1. My break up occurred _______ days/months/years ago and since that time, my primary emotions have been _______, _______, and  _______ .
2. The last time I felt feelings such as these was when  _______. What I notice when I compare these two experiences is  _______.
3. The thing that has been the most difficult for me since this relationship ended is  _______.
4. When I think about our break-up, the thought or thoughts that plagues me over and over is/are  _______.
5. I feel the pain of this loss most acutely when I  _______.
6. What I miss most about our relationship is  _______.
7. What I don’t miss about our relationship is  _______.
8. The thing I regret most is  _______.
9. The unforeseen benefit of this break up is  _______.
10. If I could take him/her back right now, I would/would not and here’s why: _______.
11. The most important thing others need to know about healing a broken heart is  _______.

THANK YOU

I was very moved by how many people have been in touch since my post on meditation and depression to let me know that they too struggle with depression.

One thing that makes depression so difficult is that you feel trapped by it. It reduces the world to something very small and claustrophobic. It seems that you have no options. But if you look just below the surface of depression, what you find is sadness which is raw and tender and workable.

However, we live in a world that rejects sadness as an indication of failure. When you reach your arms out to hold your own sadness, what you will find is not a brick wall of bleakness and dejection, but the secret gateway to genuineness, soulfulness, and the ability to love and be loved. That is how important sadness is.

Meditation is the gateway for embracing sadness and rejecting depression.

Please sign up for the Open Heart Project to receive meditation instruction.

You’re ready to get your meditation on. You’ve established the time. You’ve arranged your cushion just so. Your inspiration to become more patient, giving, and kind is at the forefront of your mind. You’ve perfected your meditation outfit. You settle onto your cushion, light a candle, ring a gong, and…fall asleep.

Believe me, we’ve all been there. What to do? Some suggestions.

Wake up! Enjoy!

PS For meditation instruction videos delivered 2x weekly to your inbox, sign up for the Open Heart Project.

This morning I woke up with a feeling of depression. This is not unusual for me. Perhaps you can relate. I have struggled with depression for my entire life, since I was a small child. I really don’t know why and I sort of don’t really care why anymore. Nonetheless, I have had to find a way to work with it because it has bordered on being debilitating at many different points in my life.

The feeling I woke up with this morning was very familiar. A kind of heaviness in my body and a sense of being weighted down. A kind of mental activity I know quite well—that no matter where I looked in my life: my work, my relationship, my bank account, my home, my body, my future—it all looked bleak. Very bleak. Whenever this happens I dive into stories about how it got to be this way. True stories, I might add. I missed this opportunity. I made that wrong choice. My abilities are limited. Yes, true—on one hand. And utterly meaningless on the other. [Read more →]